Dear Winifred
by youngwriter56
Summary: Dear Diary sounded too girly. Draco's a sex loving masculine man. Of course! Until of course, he meets the little Weasley and become a bit... just a bit... more feminine like his diary, Winifred. A typical love story... all in Draco's POV! completed
1. I am masculine

Taking a break from my regulars

Disclaimer: belongs to JK Rowling

Enjoy. I'm trying to pick up a few writing styles from some really great stories I've read.

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Dear Diary.

No. That's too feminine. Guys don't do that whole "Dear Diary" thing. It's not masculine enough.

You know what? Guys don't even HAVE diaries.

So why do I, Draco Malfoy, probably the most masculine boy in Hogwarts have a diary?

My answer would be this: I don't know.

You know, they say that the most masculine men don't have answers to everything.

So hah

But the more you think of it, everyone has some sort of "diary."

If a boy inscribes "I love Lucy" on a tree, the tree becomes a diary, doesn't it?

Okay, well enough deep talk. I'm not a deep person. I'm quite shallow to say the least.

Because…

I am Draco Malfoy.

I, Draco Malfoy, who can take off my shirt and make a girl faint, who can say "I love you" without a second's hesitation, who can't walk in the hallways without receiving at least one flutter of eyelashes… and the list goes on.

Some people who just can't seem to remember names have made some nickname for me- what- "Slytherin Sex God" was it? I don't know, but I didn't fancy it much. I know I'm hot and all, but they don't need to worship me.

But true. I just love sex.

Enough about me, let's talk about you. I will name you Winifred. Because that is one cool name.

Cool like me. Hell yes.

Now, I don't have to start by doing the whole "Dear Diary" thing. It'll just be

Hey, Winifred

Or

You know what, Winifred?

Or

Winifred…

Or just

Guess what, Winifred?

And yeah.

So until next time, Winifred.

OOO

Sup, Winifred.

Just finished shagging a girl. She gave one helluva ride. I love sex. She was one of the better ones, I'll say. What's her name… Bridget was it? She's one year younger than me, I think..

Did I tell you that I love sex?

Anyway. We did it in the potions room today. I would have preferred the ground, but when she got ready to ride me, I decided the desk would be sexier. And then, we were out of there like that. And I ran into the little Weasley girl. Man, she grew some spunk over the years.

"Ouch! Jesus- watch where you're going."

"Actually, I'm not Jesus. They call me the God."

The girl didn't even flinch. "God? God of what? Hell?"

"Something about a sex god, I remember."

"Oh yeah! How could I forget. Hm… maybe because you're a ferret and I don't do ferrets."

"Whoa there- won't you like to try, though? It might be a great one."

"Oh sure. I know it would. I mean, why else would people call you a god? But no thanks, dear. I'm not a disgusting pervert who humps anyTHING in their way." The Weasley girl pushed me aside and sauntered away, her red hair swishing to the side.

Whoa there.

Did she actually say that to me?

The nerve of that girl.

OOO

Winifred, there's something about that Weasley girl. Don't get jealous now.

Yeah- I've realized that ever since I named you Winifred, you became a feminine diary.

That's a knee slapper. Draco Malfoy's got a feminine diary.

Anyway. We were all in the Great Hall today eating dinner. All's well and swell. And we got ice cream for dessert!

And then- suddenly, my eyes wander towards that Gryffy table and catch onto this CERTAIN redhead. Hah. Funny, right?

I don't think so.

It's almost like she was seducing me! I swear! The way her tongue flicks when she licks off the chocolate from the spoon… I would have been so happy if that spoon was me.

Oh dear.

I think I've been getting too much sex.

No sex for a week Draco! Bad bad bad Draco.

…

…

…

Are you kidding my penis? Of course I'm doing it again!

Lustful stares at the little Weasley is not going to deprive me of my happiness.

I won't even mind to do her.

Oh baby.

Too much sex.

OOO

Winifred, I think I'm bloody mad.

Yesterday, I was staring at the Weasleyan today… I don't know!

But I have gooood excuse.

We got out of the Great Hall today after lunch and me and Blaise met a friendly affair. On top of the Grand staircase, there was Both Weasley's, Potter, and Granger. They seemed to be in a big gigantic fight. Fun fun.

It went something like this.

"Hermione- I thought I can trust you! You're nothing that you were just now!" the red headed boy bellowed.

"I know Ron, and I'm so sorry! I was just… It hasn't been the best day for me! And you weren't there to comfort me and… Oh Ron! I know what you think right now but it's not like that! It was just a friend thing. You need to understand."

"Yeah, mate. You know I won't do anything." Potter said.

"Yeah- I thought I knew but I guess I didn't." the boy Weasley screamed. What a drama queen. "You didn't need to do any kind of… hug or anything!"

"Ron, please."

"No. Hermione. I think this is the end of a very good… relationship we had going."

And then THE voice appeared in all the mess.

"Oh, for heavens sake. Ron, you're not going to break this off just because of something really stupid that they've been trying to explain to you. You know you're just going to miss her more than she'll do for you. So why don't you just hear her out for your sake too!" The Weasley girl said as she got in front of her brother.

Shockingly, the big Weasley ignored her and pushed her away.

I swear, Winifred. It's like time stopped. The little Weasley lost her balance at the top of the stairs and started tumbling down. I could barely hear her ear popping scream.

Girls and their screaming… oh dear.

And then what made me even madder was that there were dozens of people watching her fall and they just stood there watching with a dumb blank look on their faces.

I mean, there's a girl falling down the giant staircase and they're not doing anything.

And Winifred- I swear it was by instinct.

I started running and running to the foot of the stairs and got there just in time to catch her in my arms. She had a small but heavily bleeding gash on her forehead and looked like she broke some bones. Her eyes rolled to the back of her head as she muttered something like "Ronald, I'm going to fucking kill you." And she was limp.

I have to admit, since you're my diary, that it was pretty scary.

I thought she died! Like died! Like… DIED.

Okay. That sounded really girly so pretend I never wrote that.

Anyway, the whole area around the stairs was deathly silent as I checked her heartbeat. It was still there. Surprisingly, yes, I was so relieved. You have no idea. I ran up the stairs with Weasley over my shoulder and as I passed her totally dismayed brother, I stopped and gave him a full punch on his right cheek.

Go Draco!

And then I ran her to the hospital wing and Madame Pomfrey took her from there.

I just left after that.

I've done enough humble knightly deeds to last me my whole lifetime today.

I'm a weird person, I think.

I think I think too much.

OOO

How was that? I think it was a bit cliché and all and I've put in everything in this chapter that all other stories have… Draco running into Ginny or Draco saving Ginny from a near death accident… but uh… hm… I'd say it was different because it was all in Draco's POV like the rest of the story will be! It's my new twist to my clichés.

Review please! It'll only take a minute. Unless you want to be extra beautiful and give me a nice juicy long one.

Muahaha.

Ta ta!

Youngwriter56


	2. Chocolate frogs and humble knights

Thanks for the awesome reviews, guys! Scroll down to the end for more details.

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So, Winifred, I finally visited the Weasley girl.

Peer pressure sucks.

First there was the whole school just waiting for me to visit and admit to my deepest lust for her and make out with her and maybe we'll do it on the hospital wing bed. Psh. In their dreams. I swear. There were always dozens of people there, and I bet most of them were to wait for me to come running to my sleeping beauty. Since Madame Pomfrey is a total witch when it comes to exceeding the visitor capacity, some kids broke their own legs to let more people come and pretend they were visiting them.

Second, there's all my little friends, hint Zabini, who would hint really absurdly that I had a little crushy wushy on the little wittle Weasley and I was too scared to go see her.

So I proved them all wrong. Hah.

And I went to the hospital wing.

Peer pressure sucks.

When I got there, she was propped up on a pillow, sort of dozing off. It was obvious she had already awoken. See? I'm not her prince charming to wake up the sleeping beauty. Nobody was there to visit her, surprisingly and all the little people were standing around Jacques Renaldo, this random fifth year who has been trying to take over my reign.

I snuck in under an invisibility cloak.

Smart, right?

I just walked in, crouched down to the very side of her bed to cover myself and took off the cloak.

That was when I got a close up look at her… and all her get well sweets. For instance, her hair is not as much different than her brother's, except because it's longer, it seemed to be a little darker. Her hair wasn't perfectly straight, but wasn't totally wavy either. And all her red pieces of hair fell down on a gigantic pile of chocolate frogs.

Licking my lips, I grabbed one.

Oh, I love chocolate frogs. They're almost as good as shagging.

And so now, I quickly scribble in you, Winifred, as I munch on some more chocolate… frogs…

I think I've had too much chocolate. I'm getting a little fuzzy.

Uh oh.

OOO

Okay, Winifred.

I ended a bit abruptly and I have a reason!

Chocolate over-doses me with sugar and makes me overactive.

So right when I took that last bite of my 6th chocolate frog, I had jumped up, scaring everyone in the hospital wing (now I think of it, it was hilarious to see their faces) and skipped out the door. Skipped. I skipped like a girl!

Man, Winifred, you're rubbing off on me too much already.

I'm a masculine man.

Macho masculine. Muahaha.

Whoa. That was 3 m's in a row!

M like Malfoy.

Muahaha.

Okay- see, the chocolate hasn't yet worn off.

Anyway.

I jumped out or that's what they say, and ran out.

And then, I sprinted to the Great hall screaming "BRIDGET! WHERE ARE YOU! I WANT TO DO YOU RIGHT HERE RIGHT NOW!" And apparently, Bridget (you know, the girl I had done last time?) had popped out from the crowd and run over, helping me over to my dorm.

Apparently, she thought I was poisoned.

How embarrassing! Now I think of it, everyone must have heard me and now, probably the whole school knows.

I'm never eating chocolate frogs again.

…

…

…

Are you kidding my penis? Of course I'm eating them again!

Anyway, it was embarrassing, yes, but after some talking to and talking through, I'm over it. I think.

Anyway, according to Zabini, who had been in the dormitory, I fell asleep as soon as Bridget had forced me into my bed covers and being the sweet little girl she was, she had sat there waiting for me to wake up. She thought I was seriously sick.

I know she did too, because I saw her when I woke up. She's pretty.

So I grabbed her and shagged her mercilessly.

Muahaha.

OOO

Gosh, Winifred. That Bridget girl isn't as nice as I thought.

Apparently, when I did her for the second time yesterday, she thought it was a sign of "serious commitment" and told everyone I was her girlfriend!

What a stupid bimbo!

I'll rather go out with the Weasley girl!

Haha. Scratch that. I will never go out with the Weasley girl.

Anyway, I got pissed so I uh… "broke up" with her.

She deserved it!

And then, I brought another girl (forgot her name. Bad Draco) and did _her_ to prove my masculinity.

I'm such a bad boy.

But it's okay because I'm one sexy bad boy.

I think I'm getting too much sex.

I should stop. It's distorting my human nature and my natural goodness of heart.

…

…

…

Are you kidding my pe-

Never mind. I'm sick of saying that. I practically don't have a penis anymore because that girl I brought nearly ate it off.

OOO

Oh, Winifred, I think I'm corrupting you. I've just read the last entry and I realized what a horrible cookie monster I am.

Haha. Maybe not cookie monster, but I actually did feel a bit bad for dumping off Bridget in a trash can like that.

Anyway, I'm writing again, a few weeks after that last entry, because I've just heard how badly hurt the Weasley girl was.

She had many cuts, not only the one on her head. And too many bruises to count, but Madame Pomfrey fixed that in seconds. What shocked me the most was that I was right. She did break a few bones. She broke a few in her ribs, her leg, twisted her ankle, sprained her index finger, and fractured her arm. She lost most of her pinkie toe nail too!

Gross.

Anyway, Madame Pomfrey (she likes me, I think) called me to her office today late at night and thanked me and told me that if it weren't for me catching her final fall, she would have maybe cracked her head open and died.

So I saved her life!

Go Draco!

Anyway, after she thanked me she said something like this.

"Since you saved this poor girl's life, I thought it would be best for you to help her out of the hospital wing. She's set to go now."

"Me? But I don't like her! And why can't she just leave if she's ready?"

"You don't fancy her? Well, certainly a boy who doesn't like her at all wouldn't save her life so humbly! And she needs help walking a little. I would keep her for a few more days, but she's such a persistent, obstinate young lady, I told her she can't walk out alone."

"Get someone else to do it. Get her brother, or Potter, or one of her million friends."

"Oh yes, but they've all said to get you to do it."

"WHAT? Even her brother and the Potter head?"

"No, well, I don't want to ask them. Ronald Weasley gets a bit loud sometimes."

"Yeah- ONLY WHEN HE'S YELLING LIKE THIS. Why would he be yelling when he's getting his sister to walk?"

"Well, and see, it was him that pushed her off so I knew he would be a bit uncomfortable talking to her until some time passes."

"Ma'am, it'll take years for Miss Weasley to forgive her brother if you just let them peacefully let it out."

"Still. I'm not having any… uh… violence in my hospital wing."

That persistent woman. And I'm supposed to make it any less violent? She'll probably rip my head off, for merlin's sake.

"Why don't you ask Potter then?"

"Oh, I'm sick of him. Besides, he's always around the other Weasley kid."

"Get the Mudblood then!"

"Watch that tongue of yours."

"What- just because it hasn't been down your th- okay, ma'am."

"Miss Granger was particularly busy today. You think I wouldn't ask her? She's a nice young lady."

"I'm not doing it. You'll have to chain the little Weasley down."

"Why don't you just pretend to listen and escort her out and just leave her from there, then?" Madame Pomfrey cried out rather irritatedly.

Ah. That clever woman.

So I did. And she gave me a lollipop.

As soon as I opened the door of the office, the first thing I saw was an empty bed.

"MISS WEASLEY!" Madame Pomfrey's rather high voice screamed right next to my ear. Ouch. Double ouch.

She let out a frustrated groan and hopped into her portrait to go fetch some professor. I bet it's Filch. Happy that I didn't have to bring Weasley back, I was casually slipping away when a hand grabbed me and pulled me against the wall.

"You!" I let out… rather in shock really. She has a grip.

"Yes me. Who else can it be?" She was propped on a crutch, certainly a sight to watch. Her hair was quite messy and her clothes very rumple up and scratched up like she's just escaped hell instead of just the hospital wing.

"What happened to you?"

"Transfigured myself into a bug and crawled here while she had you locked up."

"That's illegal!"

"And so is mass murder."

"Are you calling me a mass murderer?" I'm shocked. That's a first.

"What are you going to do if I was? Kill me?"

"No… I was just wondering. Can you let go?"

"Not yet. Listen. You have to promise not to tell anyone about how I escaped okay? I know I can get away with it if I get to Dumbledore or McGonagall before Filch does. I told you because I thought you had the right to know."

Cue my famous smirk.

"Why do I have the right to know?"

"BECAUSE YOU saved my BLOODY LIFE."

"Shh…" I smashed my finger to her lips to shut her up. If I was caught, Pomfrey would think I planned her escape.

"Anyway. It's not like I want to. If someone saves your life, you have this bond to them, and you can never really seem to lie to them." The Weasley girl mutters, blowing a piece of hair from her face.

Sweet. Total domination for me.

"Hey, look. And I also thought it was very kind of you to visit."

"Me? Visit? Psh. When?" I know she saw me. I was just playing… of course!

"Nobody has the same shade of blond as you, blondie. Now get out of my way." She said, blowing a piece of hair away once more.

"Blondie? Where did you get all these weird nicknames for me?"

"I'm sorry I actually have a brain." She said. She blew another piece of hair away. It was getting irritating but quite sexy. I grabbed her hair and pulled it back and stuffed it into her very demented ponytail. I know hair. I mean, 'nobody has the same shade of blonde.'

"Look, thanks for saving my life and all, but lets cut the fluff. You could be a good boy and let go now." She said. I let go of her arm and she agitatedly pulled her hair out of her quote on quote ponytail band thingy and shook it it.

Big turn on.

No. No. Baad Draco. Baaaad Draco.

Anyway. She patted my unnatural 'shade of blonde' hair and started to crutch away on her crutches. She seemed to work with them okay when a flashlight rounded the corner.

Filch.

She stood there frozen in place. Being the humble knight I am, and my wand being in my hand already, I whispered "Locomotor Weasley" and the girl was about a foot from the ground. I ran and ran with my wand behind me, Weasley flying behind me. I've never tried that spell on a person before.

I guess it works.

Obviously, she's cast a silencing charm herself so she won't scream out and make it just too easy for Filch to catch us.

Man. I'm still tired from all that running. The first place I can think of was the Slytherin house room. It's on the same floor. I forgot that place is practically across the whole school.

It's really late now…

She's sleeping on my bed. Good thing the rest of the dorm was already asleep and nobody was at the common room. Hopefully she wakes up before anyone else does. Rumors suck.

I don't know what made me so nice and why I haven't left her just standing there and why I practically ran more than I've ever done in my 17 years. So don't ask me. I don't know…

I have a thing for helping handicapped.

My grandpa was one.

Anyway.

I'm such a nice guy.

A hot sexy nice guy.

Man.

I'm being such a humble knight that…

I don't know.

You know, real masculine men don't have answers to everything, I read.

OOO

Muahaha.

This chapter is for you:

Singing-My-Song(For making my first review the best! Hope you liked!) Excuse me Mr. Mister(For being there almost every story I attempt at. Thanks!) GrapeStarburst(thanks a gazillion for your oh so juicy review. You know how much I love suggestions for latter chapters.) zuvalupa(You've never failed to review a story of mine! How I can thank you enough.) ( ... –anonymous-)(I absolutely loved your review because it was so brutally honest to your own damn right heart.) BigBigStarr(Thanks for reviewing! You've always been such a nice reviewer. Muahaha. Hope you liked the update!) Lt. Jaina Solo(Another lovely review! Muaha. You guys are seriously spoiling me. Thanks for your tip about the American slang. Have you noticed I tried to put in a little British in this one? Just for you!) Professor Jaida(Thanks for you awesome review. I know it is OOC but I don't care because this chapter is a break from all the emotional crap I'm going to get into at Snapshots. Hope you liked the update!) and finally--- Kaifeuille( I can't describe how much I love you! Man, I've never been called a genius like that. Tell you the truth, don't get jealous my lovely reviewers, your review was the one that got me on Microsoft Word to write this second chapter of mine! Gosh, I sure hope you review again! Hope you enjoyed this chapter!)

Okay!

Well a lot of common stuff: OOC people and the POV questions… here they are!

As I said, this story was only made by me because I needed a serious break from all the other EMO crap I was doing. And I felt like it.

You know, I've realized how easy it is to write a diary fic. I whipped this chapter up so fast, it's faster than you can swallow whip cream! Okay. Anyway, I'm starting to really enjoy writing this. That's a first! Because it's almost like writing my own diary, you know? Anyway, Thanks for your REVIEWS and I think you should do it this chapter too!

Ta ta-

Youngwriter56


	3. Trouble

Got in serious trouble today, Winifred.

This morning, I remembered that I have the little Weasley in my bed. I had fallen asleep in the common room. It was just about 6 am now, maybe one or two people may be awake. So I ran up the stairs to see if she was gone yet. She wasn't. It took me ages to wake her up. I ended up with a black eye. That girl has serious muscles.

Finally, I tried the eyelash method.

Father once told me that was what they used in prisons.

Well, it worked.

It even comes with the slap, from our favorite Weasley.

"What… what am I doing here?"

"Sleeping, of course. Now get out before anyone sees and gets wrong ideas."

"I'm not in the hospital wing?"

"No. Remember? You ILLEGALLY transformed into a bug and crawled yourself out. Although it wouldn't have made any difference if you had just crawled out as a regular pers-?"

"I'M NOT IN THE HOSPITAL WING! I'M NOT IN THE HOSPITAL WING!" She started screaming, punching the air.

Seriously. I swear I didn't even give her any coffee.

"SHH! DO YOU WANT TO WAKE EVERYONE UP?"

"Too late, mate. I see you've FINALLY shagged the little Weasley. Nice going, bro." Blaise Zabini had woken up. Screw light sleepers.

As the Weasley girl stopped and looked at me quite… scarily, she screamed and tried to run away, but as soon as she made contact with the floor, she fell, adding a scrape on her knee. I had to actually touch her to help her onto her crutches so she can crutch away like a mad crutcher.

That was my morning, Winifred. I bet yours was a hundred times better.

Anyway. That's not why I was in trouble. I was in Charms today when a little boy came in and told me to go to the Potions room, fetch Ginny Weasley, and head over to Professor Dumbledore's office. As soon I saw the little Weasley's name, I knew it was trouble.

Stupid girl, getting me into everything.

Anyway, I'm bloody frightened of Snape. He hates it when people take students away for no good reason.

When I walked in, there was a lot of clatters and dropping of metal objects. Muahaha. I am soo good.

"What do you want, Mr. Malfoy?"

"I would like Miss Weasley, please."

There was a small gasp from the classroom.

I told you I'm irresistible. Not to brag or anything, I probably did half the girls in that classroom.

"We're in middle of class. I'm afraid you'll have to fetch her another time." He hates letting go of students. I think he has a little wittle crushy wushy on them. Forget I said that now.

"It's Headmaster Dumbledore's orders, sir."

I finally found the little Weasley. She had a bit of a green tint to her face. If you match it with her hair, she's like Christmas!

Except Christmas if more jolly, if you know what I mean.

"Very well. Take her. Are you going to take her or not?"

"Yes sir."

What does he want me to do? Swoop her up from where she was firmly planted and whisk her away to a magical kingdom?

Luckily for me, she had unglued herself and was now following me out.

"You're in trouble, Weasley. And you got ME into it."

"That's brilliant then."

"Not really, no. He already hates me the way I am."

"That's not my problem, is it?"

The rest of the way was silent. When we stopped in front of the door of his office, I heard her sigh very loudly before entering.

Inside were Madame Pomfrey and Dumbledore talking… although I've never seen Madame this angry before.

I knew it was trouble when I saw that old woman in there.

"It was HIM!" She said, standing up, pointing her quivering finger at me. Like it's supposed to intimidate me? Come on! I'm a foot taller than her!

"Calm down, Poppy."

"Don't Calm Down Poppy me! I know it was him! He planned for her to leave! It's horrid enough I was letting her go when she wasn't fully recovered, but SHE ESCAPES WITHOUT MY PERMISSION NOW?"

"Poppy, let's hear their side of the story."

"I didn't have anything to do with it, sir." Jesus, I felt like a criminal in some sort of hearing.

And then, the little Weasley HAS to butt in. "What are you talking about, DRACO? You helped me get out! You took longer in the office than you had to. Remember? Remember our plan, DRACO?"

What the bloody hell.

I was so shocked at that… I can't believe that little… wrench would do that!

"Professor, I'm sorry I had to escape like that. I had thought Madame Pomfrey would bring in my brother, and I don't want to see Ron's ugly face every again. So I met up with Draco in the library and I told him to go into the office and distract her. I guess he didn't have to because he got called in. Madame Pomfrey, being the wise woman she is, chose Draco to help me out. I didn't know that. I'm so sorry."

Bloody hell, she can LIE!

It's not wise to do that to the headmaster.

That old man is old, but he's bloody smart. He saw through her lie like a soaking white shirt. I know because whenever he catches his students doing something bad, he has a twinkle in his eye.

"Very well. I guess we'll only have detention for both of you."

"WHAT? NO! YOU KNOW SHE'S LYING!"

"Let's calm ourselves now. You'll be receiving notices for your detentions later on this week. For now, I must just warn you, Miss Weasley. You should not pull something like that again. Not only is it breaking rules, but it's for your own safety."

"Yes, professor."

"And Mr. Malfoy, please make sure to escort Miss Weasley until she is fully recovered."

"But, professor…" The girl beside me started to protest.

"It's enough that you will not be receiving any more consequences for your actions, Ginevra. And, it's very kind of Poppy to allow you to explore your freedoms away from the confines of the hospital wing before you are even fully healed. You should consider yourself lucky."

The girl Weasley sighs, but nods.

"For now, then." He said, shooing us off. Weasley grabs her crutches and begins to crutch away. I looked back once more, trying my most pitiful look. He doesn't buy it. He smiles and waves me away.

"Nice going, Weasley."

"If you don't mind, Malfoy, I'm not in a grand mood to play with you."

"Oh ho… Watch your mouth. I'm actually being generous and helping you."

"Helping? More like putting me in hell, that!"

"Now now. It won't be so bad. Plus, your brother would flip if he saw me do this to you." Can you believe it? I touched her! I grabbed her crutches, tucking it in my left hand; put her left arm around my neck and my right arm around her waist. "How's everything, Weasley? Can you walk? Or are you about to fall in presence of my royal nature?"

And then, can you believe her? She started laughing!

"You may think you sound smart and witty and cute, Malfoy, but years later, you'll get your head out of your arse to see how bloody immature you sounded just now."

Nobody makes fun of me like that.

I'm only telling you this because you're my diary, but it sort of… just sort of hurt my feelings.

I threw her the crutches, slapping her arm away from my neck.

"Don't touch me!" I couldn't think of anything better to say…

She just smirked and crutched away, me following her like a bloody dog!

Malfoys. Aren't. Dogs.

So I walked a little faster to be in front of her. Hah. Now she's the dog.

And then, she crutched a little faster so I was.

And you know the rest. I'm the dog, then she is, then I am, then she is. Tell you the truth, only because you're my diary… I mean Winifred… it was quite fun. I don't want to laugh right in front of her and seem like a girly girl. So I just did my regular sexy smirk. The little Weasley was giggling like a mad man though.

And then, I was about to be the dog, when she crutched right into the famous 3.

There she was her arse on the cold ground and crutches sprawled in front of her. Her brother had this shocked expression on his face which gave him an uglier face than usual. The other two had a look on their faces that I can't quite describe.

"Ginny…" That was her brother.

The big Weasley put out his hand to help her up. The girl sat there looking at it for a while, maybe inspecting it for bugs.

Hah. Perfect time for Malfoy in action.

So I walked up there… okay, maybe I jogged a bit, and held out my hand right next to his.

Her gaze of hands focused on mine. I think she liked mine better because she wouldn't stop staring at my hand.

After eternity, it was a bit awkward, with our hands outstretched and all so I just grabbed her by the waist and pulled her up. She's as light as feather. She's probably starved every day seeing how poor her family is.

Hah. I just realized how stupid I just sounded. She can't be starved, she's in Hogwarts, for god's sakes.

I don't know why I even crack those jokes.

I don't know why they even get affected by them! Are they stupid? Don't they know that if you're in Hogwarts, you'll NEVER STARVE?

And the rest is history.

Until later, then. My hands are sore. I wrote too much, I think.

OOO

This entry is totally top secret too, Winifred, okay?

There's four words that still gives me the shivers.

The four words?

I

Had

Fun

Today

And then, there are 3 more words that're just killing me.

WITH

The

Weasley.

Surprising. Surprising. Surprise surprise.

But…

It's the truth.

It was Saturday today, the day we were supposed to be either locked up making up for all the homework we never did during the week, or relaxing for those who were good students and did their stuff.

Hah, as if. The only person who probably qualifies to do that is Granger, and she never relaxes. Right now, she's probably getting started on an essay for next month. Next year, maybe.

Anyway, me and Weasley were in the library, doing our work. We made a deal that maybe we were stuck together and we hated each other, but we weren't going to add to it. She promised not to bring her little Gryffindor friends that I hate if she doesn't bring mine. So we were at the lease busy area of the library, the little table we found in front of the Restricted section.

After I finished my Potions essay, I realized I HAVE been pulling a Granger (yuck!) and I did most of my other stuff. I just had to study for Charms.

And then, my ADD kicked in. Don't ask me how I know about ADD. I just do.

"Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeasley."

She looked up from her Transfiguration book.

"What do you want?"

"I'm booooooooooooooored."

"So? What does that have to do with me?"

"I don't know. I just thought I'll let you know."

"Oh, yeah. Thanks for that. I sooooo needed to know." She said, rolling her eyes.

"Don't roll your eyes." I said suddenly.

"Why?"

"It makes your nostrils flare. I hate it when nostrils flare."

She snorted and went back to reading.

And then, suddenly, really randomly, I mean really REALLY RANDOMLY, I remembered what I had over heard Potter telling the big weasley the day the small weasley had her great fall.

"Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeasley."

"What?"

"Remember the day you had your great fall?"

"…yeees…"

"You know why your bro was all pissy that day?"

"Not really. I just saw Harry and Hermione hugging."

"You know why Pothead was hugging the Mudblood?"

"Watch your mouth, Malfoy. Why?"

"Because my friend, Crabbe and Goyle, were making fun of her."

"What?"

"Yeah. Apparently, your little Mudblood friend won't give them her cupcake so they started dissing her about how stupid she was. She, being arrogant as she is, ignored them, but cried like a girl when she got minus one on her Ancient Runes test." I smiled remembering how much I laughed when I heard that.

The little Weasley gave now response. She just went back to staring at her book.

"Weeeeeeeeeasley."

"WHAT?"

"Jesus. You know the day you had your great fall? Did it hurt?"

Don't think me stupid. Of course I know it hurts. Who falls down a big fat staircase and says it was like a ride to heaven? I just wanted to see her roll her eyes again so I could annoy her about her nostrils.

It worked. Her nostrils flared.

"Your nostrils are flaring."

Suddenly, the girl put down her book and limped over to where I was sitting, across the table.

She came closer… and closer… and then…

WHAM!

There she was, her finger at the tip of my nose, pushing it up.

"So are yours!"

And then… can you believe me?

I actually laughed! Laughed like a little girl!

Masculine men like me don't laugh like little girls. We laugh like men. Masculine men, only because some men laugh like little girls.

She smirked a little before she grabbed her crutches.

"You know what, Malfoy, you're not as idiotic as I thought."

"Ah… Little Weasley. Once you're abled again, I'll be bugging the merlins out of you."

"Do you mean you're only being like this because I'm handicapped?"

"Uh… yeah. Yeah."

Her nostrils flared as I followed her. We passed a table near Muggle section of the library where the famous three were sitting. As the Weasley girl crutched closer, they didn't seem to notice. The Big Weasel said something "funny" and the mudblood rolled her eyes at him.

As the Weasley girl passed them, she said rather loudly for me to hear.

"Hermione, don't roll your eyes. It makes your nostrils flare and I hate it when nostrils flare."

Man that was the second time I laughed like a little girl today.

We walked, or I walked and she crutched, over to the kitchen. I guess we were both hungry. Studying does that to you. A group of girls passed us and immediately began up a storm of whispering. I don't know why girls do that. Do they think it's sexy? Because it's not.

We settled down inside with a plate of sandwiches and cake, and I was bored again.

"You know what?" I asked.

"What?"

I almost did the Chicken Butt thing, but I decided against it because I really don't like nostril flaring.

"You're always in center of gossip from what I know. It surprises me how popular a poor girl can be. From what I know, you always have a boy hanging around you."

"Why? Jealous?"

"No. I'm trying to strike up a conversation."

"Oh. Bored, I see. Well, I've only had about 4 boyfriends. And from what I hear, you always have a girl hanging around your bed."

"Four? How do you last that long? I bet you're not even a virgin."

She raised one eyebrow. I've always wondered how to do that. "What if I was?"

"Then I'll want to do you right here right now to take it and shatter your heart when I dump you."

She laughed. "Oh, yeah. And you'll so be able to do that."

"I can!"

"I'll like to see you try." She raised her eyebrow again, suggestively.

I jumped on her, attempting to woo her with my masculinity…

Turns out, she's more of that than me. Yes. I ADMIT IT!

She flipped me over so my back hit the wall rather painfully. (Pansy's giving me back rub right now, actually. Haha. But she won't read any of this. She's too stupid.) She pressed her forehead to mine and whispered to my neck.

"I'm not going to kiss you."

"Fine. Don't th- ahhhhhhh."

You know what she did? That little girl pressed her face into mine. She began breathing into the very side of my mouth.

She never lied. She never kissed me.

Man…

I can't believe I'm still dwelling on it. We didn't even kiss. I'm turning into a horrid girl!

Anyway.

She grabbed her sandwich and crutched her way out of the kitchen, me following her like a mad dog.

I followed her all the way out when another group of girls passed by, winking and giggling feverishly. It gave me a whole new swarm of masculinity. It'll last a few days.

I was too distracted to find that the little Weasley was gone.

She certainly liked running away from things.

I left the girls in a frenzy, gave them winks and one of them a 'finger down the neck' and ran off to find her.

Guess how I found her?

…

I didn't!

Because, suddenly, there was this gigantic force on my back.

"It's funny you can't feel a bug crawling up your back."

There she was, on my back, crutches hanging from her arms, which were around my neck.

"Crutching is getting hard. Give me a piggy back ride outside."

"No! Get off me!"

"Please?"

"No!" I tried to shake her off, but she persisted.

"I'm tired. I'm crippled. I'm bored."

"Aha! You're bored too?"

"Well, of course! I've finished all my homework for this week AND next week, now. You know, we were in the library for about 3 hours."

Serious? It took me 3 hours to finish my Potions essay? I'm losing it!

"So, you're an animagus?"

"Yes, well… it comes in handy a lot."

"So do you go around listening to people's gossip?"

"No. Not that. I do things like sneak up on people like I just did to you."

"Who knows you're animagus?"

"You."

"Only me? I'm honored. Get off me! You're suffocating me."

"Ain't that a good thing?"

"Shut up. Get off me." I started shaking her before she was gone. I thought she had transfigured and crawled away, but I was wrong.

A moment later, there I was on the ground laughing like a little girl with a bug crawling around my neck.

Hey, everyone is ticklish.

I laughed 3 times today… which concludes that today was a fun day.

Something's wrong with me.

OOO

Me and Weasley's getting pretty close. I hate to admit it.

But it also makes me sad to know that once she loses the crutches, she's gone in history.

But today, she wasn't in lunch. I was worried because Dumbledore wasn't either. What if she's in trouble?

Ahh… why should I care?

Uh oh. Boy came into Potions. He wants me to go see Dumbledore.

I think… it is trouble.

OOO

Ahh! I have such beeeeautiful reviewers! I love you all!

I won't be back from camp until the 11th. Maybe a new update in a week or two!

Review please!

Ta ta.


	4. Bored and Blaise

One more week of detention… I can handle.

Stupid Weasley. She's that desperate to get me in trouble, eh? She got the notes for detention but she "forgot" about them so when we didn't come, Madame Pomfrey was muy mad.

Screw her. It's only detention anyway. I'm glad it's nothing bigger.

OOO

I'm bored, Winifred.

You know what's gross? Right now, there's a girl under the bedcovers giving me a head, but she's not very talente_d_ if you know what I mean. So I got bored and decided to write to you! Don't you feel special? I bet you've never had an owner who wrote an entry in middle of sex.

Ahh…

Did you know? The Weasley girl's getting her crutches taken later on today. It means… no more laughing like girls… although I swear it was only once… twice… thrice.

Well, I guess I'm relieved, right?

Hehe.

I am!

Don't give me that look.

Shut up!

I'm so happy right now.

I AM TELLING THE TRUTH!

Why are you looking at me like that? Huh? Huh? Huh?

Fine. Maybe I'm just a little. A LITTLE bit… sad. Not sad. Like a mild sad. I mean, come on. It's been pretty fun while it lasted. But NOT as fun as I usually have.

You know, she was probably the only girl I ever talked to that I never had sex with.

That's a shame. Maybe I should go woo her right now.

You know, last minute sex.

Oh boy. That'll be…

NO! UCK! UCK! UCK! SEX WITH HER? Am I kidding myself? I think so. That's gross. I don't know what I was thinking. I know I love shagging and all, but I think I've just gone overboard.

Yup.

Lala. The girl I'm shagging right now is coming back up. I better put you away for now.

Until then

OOO

Okay. It's done. It's over with.

She's a handicapped no more… which means she's a FILTHY MUDBLOOD LOVING WEASLEY again.

Muahahahaha.

You know we were walking to the hospital wing to drop off her crutches when she asked me, "Why have you been so nice to me?"

I wasn't sure if I should tell her about my problem with handicaps and all. But you know, it's probably the last time I'll ever talk to her. "I have thing for helping out the crippled."

"You think I'm crippled?"

"Well, for me, a cripple is someone who can't walk on their own."

"So once I turn in my crutches and I'm a cripple no longer, you'll go back to ignoring and treating me like dirt?"

"Er… yeah."

She gave me a solid punch.

"Let's walk a bit slower then."

"Huh? Why? So you can spend last moments with me even longer?" I smirked. Oh yeahh

"Well, I can't lie to you. I would have to say yes. To tell you the truth, I had a lot of fun the past week."

"Because you were with me, babe."

"And also, you're actually pretty cool to talk to when you're not a complete git that you usually were."

"Uh huh. I know. Pity we didn't get to shag, dear."

She kicked me.

"You know, it's not a very good habit… having sex like every day. One day, they'll all turn on you because they'll realize what a wanker you are."

"Sorry MOTHER."

By this time, our walking was about snail pace but we were in front of the hospital wing.

"Well, shall we?"

She barged right in.

Madame Pomfrey looked over. "Oh. It's you two." She hates us.

For many obvious reasons you already know.

The little Weasley girl took her crutches and handed them to the nurse.

"Thank you, Madame." She said sweetly.

She just hmphed and shooed us away.

Weasley took a step away without her arms dangling over the crutches and she smiled widely.

"I can walk!"

She took a few more steps until she faced me. She stuck out her hand.

"Good bye then."

Usually, I would have just taken one ugly look at her and sauntered away, but it was our last… so I shook her hand and left.

And now, I'm sitting her waiting for some girl to come in.

Any girl.

To tell you the truth, I'm feeling sort of lonely right now.

OOO

Winifred, I don't know why I'm obsessing about this now.

We met for the first time since… weeks today. I was walking to the Great Hall and she was walking out of it with one of her gazillion friends.

When we both turned the corner, we ALMOST ran into each other.

She stopped in her tracks surprised and looked up to see me smirking at her. Her little friend gasped.

"Weasley."

"Malfoy."

"Watch where you're going." I managed until me and Blaise sidled past her for lunch.

And yeah. That was it.

I guess we really are enemies now.

Hah.

I don't care…

OOO

Blaise thinks I've fallen for her.

Pffffft. Me? Never! I've never fallen for a girl and I don't plan to start now. I got so mad at Blaise, I didn't let him borrow my shampoo that he loves so much. I told him to "go buy yourself one with your mother's money and go touch himself." We had a glaring contest (I'm saying I won) and we both went our separate ways

Anyway. Just thought I'll let you know in case I suddenly write something like "Blaise Zabini is an arse" and you have no idea what and why I just wrote that.

Anyway, today, during my free period, I decided to go to Professor McGonagall to ask her about the foot long essay. It's not much, but the topic is. In fact, when I got there, there was a line waiting to see her.

It was taking even longer though, because McGonagall was in middle of class.

Hah. Guess which class it was?

NEWT Gryffindors.

Coincidence… I think so. And the first thing I see when I get in is the little redhead showing off to everyone how she could transfigure her rock into a chair. She's some sort of Transfiguring transfigurer. I mean… if you're an animagus, I guess you must be pretty darn good at transfiguration.

Professor looked a bit stressed out. She was trying to help her NEWT students and then also her seventh year students as well.

Finally, it was my turn.

"Professor, I have a question on the essay- I still don't understand the difference between transfiguring a mammal into an inanimate object to transfiguring a reptile into an inanimate object."

"Mr. Malfoy, the answer is right in your book! The way y-"

_**BAM**_

"For heaven's sakes." Everyone in the class had jumped up about a foot after the explosion.

"Mr. Williams!" Professor screamed at this poor little sixth year boy who had blown up his rock.

"Miss Weasley, please help Mr. Malfoy here with his essay. Mr. Williams, are you all right? Do you need to go to the hospital wing…"

"What do you need?" The little Weasley asked.

"Oh. Actually I don't know if I want help from a Mudblood loving Weasley sixth year like you."

She merely shrugged.

"As you wish." She began to walk off when I lost it.

My Transfiguration grade was slipping. Come on. Give me SOME credit.

"WAIT. Weasley. Actually. Do you know the difference between transfiguring a mammal into an inanimate thing to transfiguring a reptile into an inanimate object?"

And then, you'll never guess what she did next.

The stupid little girl LAUGHED at me!

How dare she…

Anyway, I got my answer though. Honestly, I think she's a better teacher than McGonagall.

OOO

Winifred, I'm bored.

OOO

I'm bored.

OOO

I'm bored.

OOO

I'm bored.

OOO

I'm bored.

OOO

I'm bored.

OOO

I'm bored.

OOO

What's the point of History of Magic?

OOO

Professor Binns LOVES Moaning Myrtle!

OOO

Ew. That's gross.

Imagine ghosts having sex.

OOO

Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Eww.

OOO

I have the GROSSEST mind.

OOO

I'm soooooo bored.

OOO

What's the point of History of Magic again?

OOO

Remind me never to bring you in here in middle of History of Magic. You make me distracted. Now, he's talking about something really random and stupid. I have no idea.

OOO

So bored.

OOO

Did you know that Moaning Myrtle had a crush on Potter? Hah. Now, I can bug him about that too!

OOO

Eww. Why do you think her name is MOANING Myrtle? Does that ever make you wonder? What if the Moaning was the sexual meaning of moaning?

I bet it was Professor Binns.

OOO

Eww…

OOO

Haha. Or maybe Potter.

OOO

Pansy left me for Blaise.

Did you know that?

I'm a bit sad. She was really good in bed and at back massages.

But Blaise had a crush on her for the longest time…

So whatever.

OOO

I don't think I'm mad at Blaise anymore.

OOO

Nope siree. We just played Wizarding class. Haha. I'm saying I won, even though he's saying he won.

What a wonderful friendship we have. Did I tell you? It's Double History of Magic today.

OOO

Which means I'm DOUBLE BORED

OOO

Ew. Now, whenever I see Professor Binns, I see him pushing in and out of A MOANING Myrtle. Gross.

OOO

Too much sex!

OOO

Me and Blaise found out just right now that there are rocks under our chairs!

So we're throwing them through professor. Maybe one of them might hit his… private parts and Moaning Myrtle will be Moaning No More!

Haha.

That's really sick.

OOO

The Golden Trio's glaring at us. Or actually, the Mudblood is and Potter and Weasleys are trying to but are cracking up because the rocks go through Professor like Moaning Myrtle.

OOO

I can't believe Professor can't feel anything.

OOO

Binns' going on talking about something random. I thought it was Dragons, but Blaise is saying its Mummies.

OOO

WHY am I so bored?

I'm never bored during History of Magic. Or I am, but I never write in you every five seconds.

OOO

Halfway through 2nd part of the double History of Magic.

Go Draaaaaco!

OOO

Told Blaise I was bored.

He said he doesn't give a crap and he's pleasuring Pansy right now under the desks. Rather sick.

OOO

Blaise and Pansy's done. Blaise told me I'm probably bored because I've been bored about the past week or so.

OOO

Blaise tells me it's because I'm not talking to the little Weasley any more.

Screw you, Blaise.

But not you, Winifred. Hehe.

OOO

Bored bored.

OOO

Maybe it IS the Weasley.

OOO

Haha. That was a good one, Draco.

OOO

This sucks. Only about a minute passed since my last entry which was something like "Haha. That was a good one, Draco."

OOO

Blaise nudged me again.

"Stop thinking about the Redhead."

"I'm not!"

"Bloody git." He muttered before going back to sleep.

OOO

Blaise started tickling me. I started giggling.

Damn.

I hate it when I start to giggle.

OOO

I'm back in my room. There's still 10 more minutes of History of Magic left, but I ran off.

I don't want to tell you why…

But I guess I will.

I was giggling like mad, and people were watching so trying to put a stop to it, I whispered really loud, "Stop it, Ginny!"

Yeah. Can you believe it? Blaise dropped his arm and smirked.

"AHA!"

I was just so taken back that I packed my stuff and ran off and now, I'm in my room, brooding. He's never going to give up on this now. He'll be bothering me about it until I die.

Me and my stupid mouth.

Arr!

BUT the worst part is that

I'm still bored.

I think that I sort of DO miss the Weasley.

And so now, let's forget I ever wrote any of that.

Blaise Zabini is an arse

OOO

Blah blah. I had a whole beginning of the chapter started where Ginny got in trouble because she was caught transfiguring herself and all that crap but it got boring so I erased the whole thing and started over. That's why this chapter is just really… weird.

I hope it wasn't too weird though!

Ta ta-

Thanks for the AWESOMEST reviews, guys! I'll be sure to thank you all next chapter.


	5. Two kisses

A/N: This chapter's not very funny. I just realized it. So sorry if I disappoint you guys! Review please!

OOO

Fate is not a good friend of mine, Winifred.

I was giddily walking along the corridors today with Blaise when I walked right into the Little Weasley. She's still getting used to walking because she was a bit off center.

She put her hands on her hips.

"What are you going to say now? What do you have to say now about my family, or my dirtiness, or my poorness?"

Me and Blaise just stood there. I wasn't going to say anything. Gosh. What a poopie head.

All I can think of saying was, in my mocking high whiny voice, "Gosh, _Ginny. _Why are you being such a caterpillar? I was just about to say Hi but you go all bonkers on me! Gosh! Women these days." And I pushed my way through.

Blaise told me that was terrific and I should have seen the look on her face, but I didn't. I don't want to look at her face.

So hah!

OOO

I was rereading my entries because I'm just cool like that and I realized how stupid I sounded about a week ago. You know… in History of Magic? Gosh. It embarrasses me so much. I wish I can rip out those pages but this magic diary won't let me do that.

Gosh. It's put images in my head of Binns and Myrtle.

Jesus. I get really perverted when I'm bored, eh?

Whatever.

I'm slowly getting over Weasley.

Well, if I say it that way, it makes me seem like we were going out and we broke up. We didn't! Remember how I sort of… just sort of… missed her? Well, I'm getting less bored now. I can survive History of Magic now without getting more perverted thoughts about ghosts- although the one with Binns and Moaning Myrtle will never ever leave me.

But it's almost like we meet everyday now. We bump into each other practically every corner. It's rather annoying. You'd think someone set us up for it.

OR DID THEY?

I'm going to go suspect Zabini now. Be right back.

XXX

Back.

Nothing happened. Zabini just went to take a piss and then to Pansy's room.

OOO

Been following Blaise every day now. Shoot me, Winifred.

OOO

Saved her life again. Now, I have enough humbled knightly deeds to last me 8276 lifetimes.

We were playing Quidditch, just our team. We were training the new Beaters, you see? And So I'm down there, yelling at them and all- I'm captain- when one of them swings his bat and the bludger goes zoooooom zoooooom over to a group of girls by the lake. I grabbed my broom and flew there just in time to knock over one girl the bludger was being aimed for.

I looked down and saw the red head.

"I hate fate."

She nodded in agreement as she choked a bit.

I got off of her and dusted myself off.

"I see a lot of you these days, Mr. Malfoy."

"I know. I've noticed."

"Well, thanks for… saving me again. What a gentleman you are." She said, with a mean smirk.

"I know. Whatever."

"You save me again, you might as well be my bodyguard!" She said as she laughed and walked away with her friends. It took me a while to realize there was red on her back. At first, I thought it was her hair, but it was all the way down her back.

"SHIT! WEASLEY! YOU'RE BLEEDING!"

She turned around, her bleeding back facing her friends and they screamed.

Girls and blood don't mix well. I flew over to where she was swaying a bit and put her down on her broom. No matter how much Madame Pomfrey hated us, a bleeding person can't be fixed by anyone but her.

That reminds me- last detention today.

OOO

Remind me never to get detention ever again.

But then again, I sort of enjoyed it.

It was our last detention, right? So we got to Pomfrey's and we had to sort her potions closet alphabetically and categorically.

Merlin, I sounded smart.

Well. Being the smart kids we are, we finished organizing in less than 30 minutes and our time wasn't over until an hour later. So we sat there staring into space.

Haha. That reminds me.

URANUS!

Hahahahahaha.

Okay.

Anyway, I got bored again because Uranus got boring. Haha. So I started talking to the little girl.

"Soooo. What's up?" Hey. That was the best I can think of.

"Oh. Are you talking to me?"

I look around. "I don't see anyone else around."

"I didn't know I was worthy enough to talk to."

"Oh. You're not but I'm bored."

"You never change. You're still the same heartless jerk I've had the misfortune to know since I was born."

"You knew me when you were a baby?" Well, color me shocked. Shocked GREEN because pink is not for men. Oh no, it isn't.

"Yeah. As the egotistical enemy and traitor."

"Well, if you weren't a Weasley, you probably would have had a shot at seeing my CUTE and CUDDLY side." I scoffed.

"Are you telling me that if I weren't a Weasley, you would like me?"

"No. When did I say that?"

"You implied it! You said… Heavens gracious, never mind."

"I'm saying I have a warm side. I'm not that jerky. I don't even like beef jerky." Where the hell did that come from?

"What?"

"Never mind."

"Anyway. You've always been cold and you always will be cold. You're actually pretty cool when you're nice to me. But since I'm not crippled anymore, I guess you're not."

"Ouch. I can be nice. Watch me."

I faced her and batted my eyelashes. "HeEy Ginny."

She laughed and pushed my head away. I scooted closer to her on the hospital wing bed.

"Ginnnnnnny!" I cried in my most girly manner. I don't know what the bloody hell was wrong with me. I was trying so hard to be as cold as possible to her and look at me- trying to prove I'm sweet and all.

I put my face right at her rosy little cheeks.

And then, suddenly, I kissed it. I pecked her on the cheek. Even I was so surprised that I didn't move away like I planned so when she whipped around, there she was. Right in front of me.

Usually when a girl is less than a centimeter from you, you kiss. That's number one in the guy's manual to kissing.

So that's exactly what we did.

OOO

Fate's been good to me. Haven't seen her since that… incidence.

I'm still following around Blaise. I've got really nothing better to do.

OOO

Blaise is rather boring. I've found out his daily schedule.

Wakes up. Sludges over to the bathroom, washes up, changes, eats breakfast, goes back to room, sleeps a bit more, wakes up, washes, goes to class, goes back to room, shags Pansy, eat a last minute lunch, takes a bathroom break, goes to class, eats dinner, does homework, go to bathroom, sleeps, wakes up, goes to bathroom, changes, does homework, and then, goes to sleep at about midnight.

What a boring lad.

OOO

Nothing nothing. Everything is the same every day. Exactly the same. He even goes to pee at the same time every day.

OOO

I'm starting to give up. I'm now suspecting…

OOO

I don't know.

OOO

I realized that I've only been following Blaise- not because I'm suspecting him to be the giver of my fate, but because I'm so bored and that if I don't trail him, I end up getting hooked up in the little red head.

OOO

Must stop thinking about her.

OOO

Where did she learn to kiss like that anyway?"

OOO

I'm becoming a girl.

OOO

The only reassurance now of how I'm not a girl is that I still have a… crotch.

OOO

And I don't got boobs. Not like the Weasley's at least.

OOO

WHAT THE BLOODY HELL AM I THINKING!

Weasley's got no boobs. Heck, I even have bigger boobs than she.

OOO

Whatever. Denial is bad for you.

OOO

Denial IS bad for you.

The little Weasley's got her self a boyfriend now. The boy who lived has finally seen her.

Damn.

OOO

Whatever.

I've locked myself up in my room today with a carton of vanilla ice cream. They say it works better than wallowing with chocolate ice cream like girls do.

OOO

I just realized something.

Because of the little Weasley, I haven't shagged a girl since 2 weeks ago.

Wow.

What the bloody hell is that girl doing to me?

I must go out and look for my own girl now.

OOO

Found none. Got one measley snog.

Nothing compared to the redhead.

Do I like the redhead?

NO.

Of course not.

OOO

Saved her life again.

Someone had hit her with the Sectumsempra (A:N/ I know it's in the sixth book and this story is not a sixth book spoiler. But it's the first spell I can think of.) I remembered it from when Snape told me about it.

There was a big crowd and most the teachers were still at lunch. I pushed my way to the front to see blood pouring from every blotch of skin. It was rather gross.

I remembered what Snape told me about fixing it so I helped her with the countercurse. She stopped bleeding but she was traumatized! So I helped her up the stairs to the informatory.

Is it just me or have I been in there a tad bit too much?

I let her lie there crying and sobbing and screaming until she calmed herself down and fell asleep.

And I left. So here I am.

OOO

I've become her bodyguard.

Bloody hell. It's a long story.

Let's just say she was attacked (see above entry) and I saved her and it was the 3rd time I did so, so therefore, I became her bodyguard. Not only did Weasley assign it, but Dumbledore brought it up in the first place.

Bloody hell.

OOO

I'll only tell you because you are Winifred and you won't tell anyone.

But, I think I sort of LIKE being her bodyguard.

I'm being such a pest, it's not funny.

But the best part is, I think she likes it too. Her cheeks are a bit rosier than usual ever since I became her bodyguard.

OOO

Today was a blast.

It started off well because when I met Weasley in front of the Gryffindor room, she was there bickering with Potter.

"Gin… come on. Can't you just ask Dumbledore to make him go away? I haven't had time with you because he's always around you peering over your shoulder and making everyone uncomfortable."

"You kiss me in middle of Hogsmeade and you're angry that he's keeping you from doing it in front of him? Why does it matter so much? Don't you understand it's for my own safety?"

"Yes, but in that case, I can be your bodyguard. I can watch over you! I've been doing so for years now, haven't I?

"No you haven't, Harry. IF you don't remember, let me clear up for you. You completely ignored me until a few weeks ago. You were a friend, sure, but you gave me no such eye before. Besides, I even told D-Malfoy that if he saves me one more time, he ought to be my bodyguard. Do you think I'm the type to lie and break promises? I'm not like you."

Potter was furious.

"Gin…"

"Look. Draco saved my life 3… 4 times now? I think it is best that he watches over me for a few weeks at least to make sure I don't get attacked again. I know you can help me too because you're the boy who lived and all, but Draco's more into the dark stuff. He knew the counter-curse to Sectumsempra. Rarely anyone knows it except Snape and Dumbledore. If it weren't for him, we won't be having this argument right now because I'll be DEAD. Madame Pomfrey said so."

I started giggling… I mean smirking to myself because Potter looked like a fish just then.

So I cut in.

"Miss Weasley?"

I offered her my arm. She smiled cheerfully and took it. "Mr. Malfoy."

"Breakfast… is served."

And we walked off into the Great Hall, Potter glaring after us.

After breakfast, we had classes, but we were cut short and had a meeting with Dumbledore. He's trying to find out who tried to attack Ginny, you see. He has a good hand over it so we're not worried too much about that. After lunch, we took a stroll down the lake and went fishing. Yeah. I caught 6 fishes with my bare hands. We shoved it down Potter's pants, Weasley's pants, Goyle's pants, random guy's pants and Ginny was so mischievous, she even got to Snape!

Yes yes, I called her Ginny.

Shut up.

I said shut up!

Anyway. Today was pretty cool.

OOO

Wow. The last couple entries have been action packed.

OOO

Harry Potter and Ginny Weasley are a couple no more.

OOO

Mr. Draco Ginny Malfoy.

Mr. Draco Ginny Malfoy.

Mr. Draco Ginny Malfoy.

Mr. Draco Ginny Malfoy

OOO

Wow. I think I really like her.

OOO

What the bloody hell is wrong with me?

OOO

Today, I was in the library reading my Transfiguration book when the little Weasley came jogging, her cheeks all rosy and her eyes all glassy and her happy teeth in a small smile.

She leaned over to my side of the table.

"What do you want?" I asked pathetically.

"I want to kiss you."

I spent a whole long deal staring at her until I took off my reading glasses.

She took that as a sign and put her arms around my neck and placing her lips on mine.

I've got to say it was one of the best kisses I've ever received. But I'm rather sad right now because usually, the man is supposed to initiate it, you know? It was great, but it didn't feel quite right. Because I'm supposed to jump at her and go "I want to kiss you." Not her. Sure, I got it down to a total snog, but I don't know.

It's rarely a time when the girl makes the first move.

But it was pleasurable so why am I complaining?

I'm wallowing in my room now because I've turned into a girl. Fucking Weasley. It's her fault.

I shall see her no longer.

OOO

Okay.

I don't know what I'm feeling anymore. Weasley had asked Dumbledore to cut our deal as me being her bodyguard. Potter was having too much trouble with it. After Dumbledore told me, I left his office and took a small…walk.

What the hell does that mean? Did she come in to tell me and felt like a kiss was a nice way to end everything?

Well you know what Weasley?

I'm not giving you up.

That kiss will not be the end.

Duh.

OOO

I hope you liked this chapter… I know it wasn't as entertaining as some other chapters I've had. I've realized that as the story progresses, the humor doesn't. I'm really trying! I know the end was a bit unfunny but that was mostly because Draco's in a crappy mood.

More Draco-Ginny action next chapter, I promise. And Draco WILL be happier.

PLEASE REVIEW! Hehehe. I'll love you to death.


	6. Masturbation, Penis, and Dracono

Uh... This chapter is very perverted.

If you do not want to be corrupted by this chapter, please do not read it. Actually, I think this chapter is pretty important. So please REVIEW and I will personally tell you. Aren't I kind? Hehe. Yeah. Anyway, it's not that bad. It just has a lot of mentions of PENISES and if that doesn't bother you, then I say: READ!

Oh! The beginning of this chapter starts off as a chapter from the book "The Perks of being a Wallflower." That book is very very very very good and I DEEPLY recommend it. It is my favorite book of all times and it will be until the next Harry Potter comes out. XD READ THAT BOOK!

ENJOY:)

OOO

Dear Winifred

Do you know what masturbation is?

I'll tell you. It is when you rub your genitals until you get an orgasm.

Wow.

That is just...

Wow.

Who does that?

OOO

I gave up on masturbation. It's just too weird. Why masturbate to orgasm when you can just shag someone instead?

Blaise Zabini is becoming a very very good friend of mine. He knows almost MORE about girls than I do. His mom's a model.

Anyway, he's the one who told me about masturbation. When I confided with him that it was really lame, he said

"I know it's lame. That's why I told you about it."

But he's cool because he can actually in my face tell me that I'm a stuck up arse randomly.

Anyway. He's been talking about Weasley and how I shouldn't waste my time on her. He said

"If you really like her, just leave it be and everything will fall into place as it goes."

So I've been living my life pretty normally, if you were wondering after last last entry. I was reading it and I sounded so pissed, it's not funny. I guess I was pissed. I guess I still am, but penis, I don't care.

And I did not call you penis. It's a fad these days.

It's a substitute word for Merlin, penis is.

Hah. I just sounded like Yoda from Star Wars!

OOO

I got me a girl. She's really pretty.

OOO

I forgot to say that she's really pretty and her name is Melanie.

The best part is that it's Weasley's best friend.

OOO

Melanie and I haven't shagged yet.

Don't worry, Winifred. I'm not becoming virgin. I'm thinking about banging her this week.

OOO

Today, I talked with Weasley. Or me and Melanie were talking with her. Hah. I think she turned a bit green when she saw Melanie and me all wrapped up in each other.

She deserved it.

OOO

Haha. Remember in the beginning of this diary, when I used to say "Are you kidding my penis?"

Well I remember now. I think it's funny. It's cool though, because it means that I thought of the whole penis thing first. Maybe I should patent it. When I took Muggle Studies 2 years ago, Profesor Sinistra told us about patenting. Rather cool if I had to speak the truth.

But since when did Malfoys speak the truth?

OOO

Finally, I shagged Melanie. I was actually glad she wasn't a virgin. I hate doing virgins because I know I'm going to dump her anyway and they're going to get even sadder than regular girls. After, I asked her why she waited so long to shag me when she wasn't even a virgin and she said she feels dirty doing that so she likes to get to know the guys better and then shag.

That's smart. Maybe I should start doing that.

…

…

Haha. Are you kidding my penis?

OOO

I just remembered. Wasn't I hella happy a few weeks ago when Potter and Weasley broke up?

But wasn't it because of Potter that Weasley had to end the whole bodyguard thing with me?

I must go ask Parvati Patil and Lavender Brown. They know everything going on in the school.

--

Detective Malfoy back.

Okay. Apparently, when I heard they broke up, they actually weren't broken up. But they broke up a week ago.

So all's well and swell.

OOO

If you're wondering what happened to Melanie, we sort of separated. She didn't really like me anymore and I wasn't very interested in her anymore. So we just said "let's be friends and just ended.

That was the best break-up ever because she didn't cry and hang onto me.

OOO

This is so girly, but I'm putting it her because I have nothing to write in you today, Winifred.

This is a quiz from Witch Weekly's that Pansy gave me. Everyone's doing it because none of us have better things to do.

_The surface/_

_Name: _Draco Malfoy

_Occupation: _Sex God

_Age: _17

_Hair:_ Blonde.

_The second layer/_

_Favorite color: _Honestly, I think yellow is a pretty color because it reminds me of the sun. hehe.

_Favorite sport: _Quidditch. Duh.

_Favorite team: _GO SLYTHERINS! I'm pathetic

_What do you want to be when you grow up: _Anything but a death eater. Sort of freaky. I don't like working under people.

_Favorite music: _No preference. I actually don't listen to music a lot.

_Let's dig deeper/ _Please don't.

_Virgin: _Is this a trick question?

_If not, who/when: _Don't remember.

_Favorite class:_ Potions

_Do you like muggles: _I don't really care. I was born not to. But I really don't see the difference between them and me.

_The core/_

_Are you a nice person: _No, not really.

_If not, do you want to be: _Depends. I like them rough.

_What smell is sexually pleasing you: _WHAT THE PENIS. I don't know.

_What makes you sexually vulnerable: _Someone naked. Duh.

_Is there something you deeply regret: _Yes.

_If yes, what: _None of your beeswax.

Yay. Now you know more about me, I'll be leaving to finish my Transfiguration essay.

OOO

I finally revenged Weasley for setting me up like that.

I found her all alone in the library today so me and Blaise decided to give her a bit of a visit.

"Hello Ginevra." I whispered, Blaise right beside me.

"What do you want?"

"I want to kiss you."

She looked at me all weird. I leaned in a lot and her eyes started fluttering. And she came closer… closer…

And then BAM! I moved to the side and the girl almost fell off her chair face first. Blaise had a laugh. I tagged my finger at her.

"You bad girl. Haven't you learned of 'abstinence before marriage?'"

I saw her furiously blushing. "Go away."

"No? You haven't? Well well well. How very unexpected of you. You know what masturbation is?"

She ignored me but her eyes cried out "NO! TELL ME!"

"It means that you rub your genitals until you orgasm. Does that sound alluring to you, dear girl?"

She ignored me but her eyes cried out "YES!"

"Then come meet me tonight at 11." I whispered into her ear. "You know where."

And then, I FINALLY proved my masculinity with her. She got a taste of my magic.

And I won't be modest about me.

I cupped my hands… my magic hands around her face and kissed her jaw, slowly and menacingly. She MOANED. She actually moaned.

And then, I kissed her neckline and all the way down to her collar bone.

And then, I let go of her, winked, and followed Blaise out.

I know she'll come tonight.

I'm still deciding how far I should go with her.

Blaise says all the way.

OOO

The girl actually came.

The nerve.

"I didn't expect our innocent little Gryffindor to come to the big bad Slytherin tonight. What shall we do? Shall we shag?"

"Not… quite yet."

"Then… shall we snog?"

"Not yet."

"Did you just come here so I can tell you more about masturbation?"

"Uh… no. I came here because I wanted to talk."

"OH. Sorry. I don't do that."

"I knew it. You're the same slimy githead that I've always known you. You're just like Ron and Lavender. They just suck their faces off and they don't know the other's birthday. Malfoy. If I'm going to get anywhere with you, I demand that I get to talk to you."

"Talk to me? Pah- why would you do that?"

"Because while I had my injury, you've always talked to me then."

"I told you. That doesn't last long. And you lied to me."

"Me? Lie? To you? Excuse me?"

"You're excused."

"Malfoy I am not joking around."

"Neither am I."

"You don't mean to say that there is nothing between us?"

"No. I wanted you to come tonight so we can shag."

"Really, Malfoy. How low can you get? Is there anything that means something to you?"

"Uh. Yes. But I've lost most of it." It's sad really. My favorite blanket was never found again after I turned 6. My stuffed bear was ripped and eaten by the neighborhood dog. The bitch. Haha. Get it?

"Don't I mean something to you? Do you know that I broke up with Harry, the PERFECT man because I couldn't get over you?"

"I told you not to fret about me too much. I'm a naturally cold sided man who's warm and fuzzy only to the people he really cares about."

I feel really bad because when I said that, there was like a sudden dropping of all faith in here eyes.

"You're absolutely impossible." She said, sort of teary and sort of strongly.

And then, she grabbed my face and kissed me.

And then, she did the most unbelievable thing ever. She started unbuttoning her blouse. One by one, ever so slowly and menacingly.

And I just stood there like a fucking penis paralyzed or something.

She slipped off her shirt and began to unzip her skirt when **I ** did the most unbelievable thing in the world.

I left.

OOO

I haven't told Blaise about what happened. Partly because I'm TERRIFIED of what's going to come out. I don't really know what happened and I'm afraid that it's something bad that's deep down there in my Adam's Apple and when I say it to someone, it'll come out. And I know it's going to be embarrassing.

Giving up sex with Ginny Weasley, the most untouchable hottest most wanted shagging virgin in the school (says Blaise) is just impossible.

Me! DRACO MALFOY?

HELLO?

WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO MY DRACO?

WINIFRED

I BLAME IT ALL ON YOU.

EVERY

SINGLE

BIT

OF

THIS

OOO

I'm a boobless girl with a penis.

OOO

Maybe if I gave you a sex-change and made you into a man, you would give me manly influences and stop making me into a wussy.

So I therefore give thy Winifred Diary right to bear penises and lose thy breasts.

Winifred Diary is now thy Dacono Diary.

How does it feel now?

Good I believe.

Yes. It must be.

Catch you later Dacono homeboy.

OOO

Yo WUZZAH my Dracono! Wuzzah happening yo?

That's this gangster language I read in a book once. Guys use it all the time when they're cool. And that's me. Right here. As cool as a cat.

And uh. Yeah. Dude homie G, I've been making my way home to the library these days. I don't know why. I've become another Mudblood Granger man!

But really. It's not like I do homework there. I just sit… sit… and watch the… door.

What am I waiting for?

I don't know.

Too hard. Too hard, man.

Men are just too simple minded like you, Dracono!

Haha! Burn!

DAMN!

I just dissed myself as well.

OOO

I love muggles.

I think they are actually quite fascinating.

I just read a book about microwaves.

I mean really.

Where in the world did some stingy little dingbat think of an idea to make food warmer?

"Oh dear lord! My sandwich is cold! I shall invent something that makes it warmer and spend half my life making it! And by the time I finish, I'll be so old, I'll never get laid! So I'll die a virgin! Hooray!"

Anyway.

That's the find of the day

Catch you later, Dracono my man.

OOO

I found something today in one of the self guidance for love books, and it made me do something… really un Draco-ish.

I'm still blown away at what I did

I'll tell you. You seem excited.

It all started this morning when I got my guitar from the package I ordered from one of the books. My owl almost died carrying that thing in for me. Everyone was looking at it and I took it up to my room to practice.

And then, I got some notes down so I took a small itty bitty rest and went to read some books.

And then, I found an open Love Guidance books and I found this thing for girls. And no. I did not look for it. It caught my attention because the girl who had been looking at it had marks all over the paper that was like "AWW! WHY ISN'T SO AND SO LIKE THIS?"

So I checked out the book. Even though Madame Pince was looking at me a bit weird because I was checking out this Love Guidance books for girls in need.

And she'd probably heard of my skills.

Anyway. I was like delirious and I made myself a song with it. I don't know who and what I decided to sing it to, but I just did it.

And then, finally, I did it.

There is sat in front of the Grand Staircase with my guitar out like a freaking hobo on the streets begging for money.

But I have to say, I rather enjoyed the attention.

Hehe.

Here's my song:

_I know I've been wrong_

_But something tells me _

_If we make this right_

_I'll be a different guy._

_I'll be the guy who wakes up early_

_Every single morning_

_Just to give you a good morning _

_And at night wish you sweet dreams_

_I'll be the guy who will yell out_

_I love you_

_Just to see you smile_

_I'll be the guy who will take you away_

_To the ocean_

_Run the sand through your toes _

_And make you guess where we are_

_I'll be the guy to show up at your games_

_No matter if you're my rival_

_Just to surprise you _

_And let you be the best that you have ever been_

_I'll be the guy to hold you _

_When you cry_

_And wipe away your tears_

_I'll be the guy who says you're beautiful_

_With no makeup _

_And in sweats and sweat_

_I'll be the guy who won't pressure you_

_To do what you don't want to_

_I'll be waiting for endless years_

_Until you're ready for me_

_I'll be the guy who shows up at your room_

_With bowl of soup and blanket _

_When you're not feeling well _

_I'll be the guy to kiss your forehead _

_I'll be the guy who won't_

_Kiss and tell_

_I'll be the guy to listen when you talk_

_And be excited all day_

_For our date at night_

_I'll be the guy who is content_

_Just to hold you _

_And want nothing more_

_I'll be the guy who can't help but smile_

_When you walk into the room_

_I'll be perfectly content_

_Just to sit and cuddle with you_

_I'll be the guy who won't lie to you_

_About where I'm going _

_Where I've been_

_Who I've been with_

_I'll e the guy who'll get butterflies_

_Whenever I hear your name_

_Being said to my ears_

_I'll be the guy who picks you_

_Over my friends_

_And not be afraid to tell them_

_That I love you_

_I'll be the guy who doesn't care about_

_Your imperfections_

_Because I'll love you more for them_

_And I'll hold you while we watch the sunset_

_I'm the guy who really wants to make you the happiest_

_Girl in the world._

I know it's sweet. You don't have to tell me, Dracono.

The best part is that Ginny Weasley walked by and listened to over half of it. I'll tell you more later.

I'm in good mood!

Time for some cake.

OOO

I hope it was better?

REVIEW?

I was rather dissappointed at the number of reviews last chapter. I mean, I know it was bad, but please, if it was, don't go, "Hey! Since this chapter sucked ass, I'm not going to review and make her jus SO much more motivated to write more."

Blah. But I love you all anyway:)

So please Review!

Oh and you can't sue me for the song because it's not actual lyrics of a song and its from this like poem thing my friend sent me made into a song.

So hah!

Hehe.

Take care. I think i'm going to hook them up soon. :)


	7. Lessons on Dating

Hey guys. This chapter is shorter, I know, much shorter, but don't worry because chapter 7 or 8, whatever chapter is next, is coming soon!

Enjoy.

OOO

Today I asked Blaise,

"If I asked Ginny Weasley out today, would you be ashamed of me because I asked out a Gryffindor?"

And after a few minutes or so, he sighed and said,

"If you asked Ginny Weasley out today, I must be a virgin."

Funny guy.

OOO

Today, I asked Blaise,

"If I asked Ginny Weasley out today, would you be ashamed because she's poor?"

And after he finished eating he chicken leg, he answered,

"If you asked Ginny Weasley out today, I'm in love with Pansy Parkinson."

And I seriously doubt that he is.

OOO

Today, I asked Blaise,

"If I asked Ginny Weasley out today, would you be ashamed because she's too young?"

And after a brief moment, he answered,

"You know what Draco? I'm getting so sick of you asking me this. What I can say is that I think you need some help."

I nodded. I mean. I know I do. I don't normally "go out" or whatever they call it these days. Really, what happened to the word "dating?"

"Before you ask this chick out, I want to give you some lessons"

I nodded. What a nice fella this Blaise

"Come meet me tomorrow after dinner in the common room."

I nodded.

Can't wait.

OOO

The lesson today was really fun and real easy. Blaise said he was surprised at how much I know.

Today, he taught me how to approach girls. He took me around the common room where I had to get it going with all the girls. It was an automatic super easy task for me because I've been doing so before I even came to this school. Silly Blaise has such low expectations for me!

Anyway, in about 5 minutes, I had gathered all the girls in the Slytherin house in my arms.

Oh baby.

Blaise was proud of me and he gave me a chocolate frog.

Oh man do I love these things.

OOO

I asked myself why I get lessons from Blaise. Wasn't it I who was the sex god?

I mean, I feel that already, the pupil had succeeded the master. We did complimenting girls today and these erotic lines just slipped off my tongue like silk.

Even Blaise was blushing by the time I was done with one girl, whatever her name was.

I know it's rude and a bit arrogant, I'm asking him why he's teaching me when I should be teaching him.

OOO

Got my answer. Apparently, I may be the better whore, but he's the better dater. So I guess it all works out since I'm looking for DATING the Weasley and not just playing with her. How come I never thought of that?

Anyway, I told Blaise still, that he should just cut the crap and get to the part when I learn how to actually date.

Excited.

OOO

Had first uh… lets say close interaction with another man today. It was merely for the lessons.

Please don't think me disturbing. Truthfully I didn't like it one bit.

Oh. If you're wondering why I had to do it in the first place, it's because Blaise said that I shouldn't kiss any other girl while I'm in middle of an infatuation with Weasley. He was teaching how to kiss on the first date.

Yeah. I'm actually thankful for him for thinking about that.

Maybe I should say he shouldn't worry too much about me and everything.

Hm… nah. I'd rather keep my first kiss… a real "I love you" kiss with Weasley special.

Maybe I'll ask him when I can date for real now.

Yeah. I think I will.

OOO

Bad idea. How the hell was I supposed to know that he was going to hook me up with one of his girls on a DATE. Can you believe it? My first real date DATE and it's with a random stranger! He lets me kiss other BOYS but I can't practice dating them?

This is absurd!

I don't want to do this.

I wanted the first date to be with Weasley.

I want to tell Blaise but what the hell is he going to do? Just stare at me silly and slap my dick. That's right. Slap my dick.

I'm in bit of a gridlock here.

OOO

Massaging my cheeks. God damn Blaise can hit hard.

If you're wondering, he hit me, well no duh. He hit me after I told him that I don't want to go on the date.

"Why?"

"Because I just don't, okay?"

"Why?"

"I don't! Leave me alone?"

"Is it because of that Weasley shrimp?"

"Yes, and she's not a shrimp. You're more of a shrimp than she is."

Whoops. Well, I guess he's not a shrimp anymore.

Hehe, but secretly, I'll call him an oyster.

What a rebel I am.

OOO

Oh no. Blaise still haven't forgiven me. What will ever be of my dating experience? Did I make a mistake? Should I have just gone anyway?

But what if he was just being a jerk and did it so I'd not want to date Weasley? Or what if he had set me up and that actually, she was supposed to come or something and sees me with the other girl?

Or what if he was truly trying to help me?

Or what if he was going to be monitoring the "blind date" and was offended that I didn't trust him?

I hate what if questions.

They frustrate me.

Should I ask Blaise what he was trying to do? Should I apologize? Or should I just leave him and give him the silent treatment, hoping he'd crawl back?

Oh, and I hate should/could/would questions as well.

Yeah…

I'm just thinking… if Blaise and I never talk, what am I ever going to do to learn to date? What am I supposed to do? What does Blaise want me to do?

Okay, you know what? I hate questions period.

OOO

I'm so alone in this cruel world.

OOO

I need a frieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeend.

Dracono, you're my friend, yes?

OOO

I've written a song for you!

Here it goes (A/N: okay, this if form a personal pov, but usually when there are song lyrics, I tend to skip over them but you guys have to read this. I wrote it myself and I think it's hilarious) :

_Dracono._

_You were always there for me, so._

_I've decided to give you some of my toe._

_But when I tried to cut it off to give it_

_A mongoose ran and fiercely bit._

_All I could say was "you speedy git"_

_So now I ponder what to give to you._

_Money, jewelry, cloth, or a shoe?_

_Whatever it is I'll do_

_But maybe I will end up_

_Handing you a pup_

_My heart in a golden cup_

_Because you've been too great_

_I wonder what great fate_

_I have caught you as my bait._

_Never fail to leave my side_

_Even during a hot steamy ride_

_You're always there on my beside_

_We had such grand memories _

_Together, we've ventured stories_

_And yet you never take the glory_

_Of a passionate victory of cruel _

_Your modesty makes me drool_

_Into a watery substance into the pool._

_I love you so much Dracono_

_Don't ever leave my side no._

_Wherever I, no, we go._

_Babaaay--. _

Lovely huh? I've begun strumming the main chorus until I realized that the song doesn't have a chorus…!

Oh dear. Here let's make one.

_And I dedicate this chorus_

_To the everlasting compromise of us_

_You've cut back my pus._

_And you've saved me from the torture_

_Of my own dark venture_

_I owe you more than my life and sure_

_I'll give you anything_

_Anything anything _

_At all to sing_

_This song_

_I'm not wrong_

_Or maybe ring the gong_

_Because what I sing for you now_

_Is the chorus in the now_

_A melody finer than a cow_

And I lived without this guitar… how?

Isn't it lovely? Aren't you just so full of gratitude? Yes yes.

I'll go make the melody to the rest of it.

OOO

Dracono…

I don't like this name. It's not working out for me. And I know that I've made a fantastic award going-to-win sing for it but I just realized that I just added a "no" to the end of my name to get yours, I feel almost as if I am talking to my alter ego, which sort of means that I'm talking to myself!

And even though I love the song and all, I'm going to have to write in it.

Sigh.

Back to Winifred? Fine I guess so. I guess I have enough masculinity to last both of us.

**I, Draco Malfoy, hereby grant thee, Winifred, to be my lawfully wedded diary once more.**

There. It's all formal now.

Let your darker side be Dracono so I don't have to write a song for you, Winifred.

I can't think of a rhyme for your name.

OOO

Dear Winifred. I got up my gathered everything today, my brain, my guts, my heart, my penis, and got ready to face…

Dun dun dun…

Blaise Zabini.

So I marched up to him and told him the following.

"Blaise you have no right whatsoever to set me up on a date with a random stranger, even though I DID ask you to teach me to date, but I thought it would be a given that it would be Weasley, because you know that I've never REALLY dated before and I think you're wrong in being angry with me for not wanting to go on that blind date and therefore I think you should apologize and continue the lessons."

He looked at me, blinked, and turned away. After about like 923847299238472987 years, he said, "Malfoy, I'm trying to help you. You know it'll never work and I know your temper. I was trying to PROTECT you."

"Why. Why do I need protection from you?"

"Because you think you're all that great and strong and once you realized it'll never work out, I know you'll fall apart. You're not as masculine as you say you are."

I dropped my jaw. I literally felt the two bones breaking apart from each other.

The worst thing you can ever possibly say to my face.

That bitch didn't even stop.

"I see they way you boast around, walking in some egotistical arrogant manner but I can see right through you. Your worst fear is losing the thread of your actual masculinity or having everyone find out that you're actually a sissy. I don't know how you lasted 7 years getting by as the "sex god" or "the man" but you've either got to get real and figure out yourself or just stay that way and figure it out the hard way."

I began to cover my ears but he began to talk louder.

"If you choose to be real, you don't ask that girl out and you stay safe. When you two separate, you'll be practically nothing, and you'll know that. But if you continue to be this stubborn jackass, you ask her out, go out for a while and it all hits you."

I'm just above insulted. This is outrageous. I found one tiny strand of oxygen in my body left to ask:

"A-a-are you calling me gay?"

The bitch. How could he call me gay? "the thread of your actual masculinity?" "you're actually a sissy?"

HOW COULD SOMEONE CALL ME GAY?

And that explains him MAKING ME KISS THE OTHER GUY but DATE THE GIRLS. He wants me to experience what he thought I was. Oh that tricky tricky bastard.

And then, the bitch started laughing. He was howling, almost. He shrieked, groaned, gasped, cackled, and chuckled.

Wiping the tears from his eyes, he continued. "Whatever. However you translate it, do whatever knocks you off your feet. But I'm saying she's trouble to you. You two were meant to not be."

He stared at me really close and I glared back.

The room grew silent soon, or so it sounded like to my ears.

Tick.

Tock.

Tick.

Tock.

Tick.

Tock.

"I'm asking her out tomorrow and you're not stopping me."

He merely shrugged.

"The girl's really fucked you over, hasn't she?"

I turned to leave.

"Yeah. Yeah, she has."

OOO

SORRY FOR THE LONG UPDATE.

I'm so so so sorry.

Anyway, the next chapter, I promise is coming sooner.

And I say that every single time but I'm serious this time because I've already started writing it.

I'll tell you what it's about.

He's now trying to win over her heart. The question is, can he do it without the lessons?

Okay. Ta ta for now then.

Have a happy Halloween!

Youngwriter56

PS: **SO IMPORTANT: PLEASE READ IF YOU READ ROOMATES. **

**DEAR ROOMATES READERS.**

**I AM THE SORRIEST PERSON IN THE WORLD. PLEASE FORGIVE MY LIPIDS-FUL CARCASSES THAT I WILL FEED TO STARVING FAMILIES IN SOUTH AFRICA. I CHECKED MY LAST UPDATED DATE AND IT'S BEEN OVER A MONTH. ALMOST 2 MONTHS NOW! I NEVER REALIZED HOW FAST TIME WENT. I BERATED MYSELF FOR GETTING SO LAZY LIKE THAT. **

**I DON'T KNOW WHEN I WILL WAKE UP, SMELL THE COFFEE, GET OFF MY LAZY ASS AND GET ON WITH THAT STORY. PLEASE DON'T GIVE UP ON ME NOW. THAT STORY'S JUST STARTING! I'VE ALREADY STARTED THE NEXT CHAPTER. I HAVE ABOUT A 1000 WORDS DOWN BUT I JUST STOPPED FOR SOME STUPID STUPID REASON. **

**I REALLY WANT TO PROMISE YOU GUYS A CHAPTER BY THE END OF THE MONTH**

**BUT I KNOW THAT'S PROBABLY NOT GOING TO HAPPEN.**

**I DON'T KNOW WHEN I WILL UPDATE ROOMATES, BUT I SINCERELY KNOW THAT I WILL UPDATE ASAP. YOU GUYS LEAVE THE MOST HEARTWARMING REVIEWS EVER.**

**JUST KNOW THAT I HAVE NOT GIVEN UP ON ROOMATES QUITE YET SO NEITHER SHALL YOU! **

**FORGIVE MY SINFUL SOUL!**

**LOVE ALWAYS YOUNGWRITER**


	8. desperate measures

WARNING: THE CORNIEST PICK UP LINE ENSUES.

OOO

Dear Winifred,

Who knew wooing the little Weasley would be so hard? I must now reside to muggle pep talk books in the library, hiding from civilization so that they would never ever find out.

Here's a few good pick-up lines I've picked up, though. HAHA! I must be amazing with puns.

"Do you need to go to the hospital? Because it must have hurt when you fell out of heaven."

"Are you a parking ticket? Because you've got fine-fine-fine written all over you."

"If I got a galleon for every time I saw someone as beautiful as you, I'd have a galleon."

Ahh… that's all I can think of for now.

I'm practicing tomorrow on the third years. They're the easiest. If you know what I mean.

OOO

Used this one today:

I saw a cute little girl going into level three History of Magic so I followed her in because Professor Binns is just that blind.

I said, "Hey, you dropped something…"

"What?" She asked.

"My jaw."

She and her little friends all giggled their little giggles until she straightened up and looked me in the eye.

"And you are…" she asked.

"In heaven because I've just seen an angel."

They started giggling even harder.

"I don't even know you! You're soo weird!"

"I'm weird? You're weird! I'm not the one who gets their pants are from outer space because your butt is out of this world."

They didn't giggle this time.

"Uh…eeeeyah… I think I'll be heading out now…" I said.

That was definitely a don't use.

OOO

Ran into a fourth year today. I helped her up and said, "Do you believe in love at first sight? Or should I walk by again?"

She smiled a little. "Thanks." And walked away.

That was lame.

OOO

I decided that after 3 more successful tries, I'm going to make my first move on Ginny Weasley.

So today, I met another fourth year. We were in line to get out of the hall and she was in front of me.

"Hey, excuse me?" I asked, tapping her.

"Yes?"

"Can I check something on your shirt?"

"Um… sure?"

I flipped the tag up from the neck. "Yup. That's what I thought. Made in Heaven."

She raised an eyebrow.

"Aren't you the head boy?"

Damn it. I ran away.

Maybe I should start doing this with people I know and have already gotten accustomed to the fact that I am indeed a pervy head boy.

OOO

Milicent was helping me with Transfiguration today. That stuff just confuses the hell out of me and I got irritated and threw my paper across the room.

"You know what?" I asked.

"What."

"If I could rewrite the alphabet, I'd put U and I together."

"Why? I like the way I is next to H and J and how U is next to T and V. Why would you change it?"

"Uh… never mind."

OOO

Last person today. I chose the person who was closest to Ginny.

Dun Dun Dun… Time to sweep Luna Lovegood off her little radish feet.

"Hey! Loon- I mean… Luna!"

She turned around, little radishes dangling from her ears.

"Yes?"

"Your parents must be retarded because you're pretty special."

She stared at me for a while, and then burst into tears, running away.

Ahh. Maybe she wasn't the right person to try that one on.

OOO

This is it. The big day!

Oh, boy, I'm HELLA psyched.

OOO

Here's what happened.

I saw her walking out of Potions today so I called her over.

"Hey, Ginny… can you take some time and let me hit on you?"

She looked completely puzzled…

And then she came.

"What do you want, Malfoy?"

"You."

"Really, Malfoy, what's the deal?"

"I want to talk… sort of as a continuation from last time."

"We didn't talk last time. You DIDN'T WANT to talk. You wanted to shag. So I offered you that and you walked away. That was it, Draco. I've given up on you."

"No you haven't. Because I haven't given up on you and I'm just starting and it's just not fair!" I whined. I know I know, it's childish, but when desperate measures come your way…

"Malfoy, you've had your chance to shag me and you walked away from it."

"I don't want to shag you this time."

"Oh really? What do you want to do? Talk? Cuddle?"

"I just want to… I don't know… talk? Tell you that your father must be in jail because he stole the stars from the sky and put it in your eyes?"

She cracked a grin. SHE CRACKED A GRIN! OH THANK YOU SWEET MERLIN.

"Malfoy… you're going to have to prove that."

"What? That I'm not shallow? Or that your father is a thief?"

"How about both?"

"And if I do, will you accept me?"

She stood there… maybe thinking, maybe torturing me.

"…we'll see about that."

OOO

"Hey, hey! Ginny!"

She turned around.

"Hey, Ginny, you must be a sergeant because you make my privates stand straight."

I can't describe her face, but it was one of the faces you see when it's between laughter, cringing, and embarrassment.

"Draco Malfoy… that is disgusting."

OOO

"Hey Ginny!" I called.

"What?"

"Can you do me a favor?"

"Depends what it is."

"Could you let me borrow Potter's Marauder's map?"

"Why?"

"Because I'm getting lost in you."

She let out a cry of either scoffing or laughing. It was one of those one time "Hah" things.

"You're funny. And no. I suggest a new map for you to make up for that dreadful pick up line."

Ouch. When was that book published, anyway?

OOO

Wait wait wait… was our deal about having me prove to her that her father is a thief and that I'm not shallow? Oh, what the hell? How am I supposed to do that? Neither are true!

That girl is tricky. I know that if I go up to her and prove to her that she's beautiful, she'll slash out at me and tell me: "You still haven't proven why my father is a thief"

And the thing is,

I AM A SHALLOW MAN!

AHH! BLOODY HELL, THIS IS NOT HAPPENING TO ME.

I HAVE JUST AGREED TO DO THE IMPOSSIBLE.

OOO

Is it just me, or is it that since the deal with Weasley, all the girls have become even lustier?

Am I really THAT shallow?

Why are all these girls hitting on me?

Why did I just ask that stupid question?

Maybe I got handsomer. Maybe that body lotion I found… in a backpack… that day really does give you healthy glowing skin.

I bet that's what it is. I should stop using it then because I'm really not going to get anywhere trying to prove my deep wise side when I have girls hanging all over my healthy glowing skin.

OOO

Oh, fuck this healthy glowing skin. I just made out with one girl because she was hot. Prove I'm not shallow, huh?

Should I just forget Weasley? Were really not meant to be?

OOO

I've layed down on the pick up lines on Weasley. It's decreased from one every day to one every week.

It's soon going to be over and I'm going to regret it.

The thing is, me and my healthy glowing skin are sort of in a like with her. And when you are in a like with someone, it means that when you walk around amidst all these people, the only person you see is them.

Well, partially to blame is her ridiculous hair.

But really… does it make much of a difference?

Whatever. Time for moisturizing my skin.

OOO

I've become addicted to skin. All I care about now is healthy glowing skin. And I judge all girls by their healthy glowing skins. See?

Out of 1-10, here is the list of ratings I've personally given. Feel free to interject.

Pansy Parkinsong: 7. Too guilty.

Bridget Jones: 7. It's alright.

Milicent Bustrode: 5. No comment. It IS an improvement though.

Janet Pentwater: 8. If only she wasn't so oily.

Lavender Brown: 4. Have you SEEN the pimples?

The Patil Twins: 7. It's not very healthy looking. Looks rather frail.

Sarah Jenkins: 1. Sweet girl, really.

Leanne Cho: 8. Great… just a tiny bit dry.

Leah Clarks: 7. Too pale.

Granger: 7. I'm surprised she's not disgusting. I bet it's the muggle products she uses.

Hannah Abbott: 7. Fair. Too tan, I think.

Ginny Weasley: 10.

Yeah.

OOO

My skin is getting healthier and glowier by the second. I'm almost out of the bottle though, so I'm thinking of taking it to Snape and asking to examine it. Maybe he knows what goes in there. On the other hand, I'm still deciding what to do with Ginny Weasley.

Maybe I should just give up?

Now that is a sad thought.

XXX

Word just in: that lotion is a muggle product.

AHH!

XXX

More words just in: That lotion is Granger's. How do I know? I overheard her talking to Ginny about how her lotion was in her backpack and the next second, it was gone.

Wow. Wow. My life is over.

What shall I do?

OOO

Save me! I was almost raped today. A bunch of girls game over and started taking off my shirt and it was really weird.

OOO

Okay, I didn't describe that too well. It was all just so weird, I couldn't think straight. What really happened was that I was sitting there when a bunch of fairly cute girls with fairly healthy and glowing skins came over and started to talk to me.

"Hi. We want to talk to you."

Those are their exact words.

So anyway, they started giggling and talking and then… STRIPPING! It was really REALLY weird. Sure, I'm a sex loving freak and I've done a total of like one threesome before (and we were DRUNK!), but come on. A 20-some? That's just really wrong. They all sort of came down on me and at first, it started with only one girl, so it was all right. A bit weird though, because I didn't really know them. So, I didn't really get that into her and just played along with what she was doing, you know?

And then, they all jumped on me. It was weird, like I said.

So I left and now I am here in my room reminiscing on it.

Bloody weird.

OOO

Granger found out I was using her lotion. She found out I've been stealing more too. Bloody mudblood liar.

Fine, Winifred. I'll tell you the truth, and this is the truth. I only took one other bottle of lotion after the first one I took. JUST one, but she's accusing me now of stealing her books, homework, hat, scarves, mittens, shoes, underwear, quills, parchment, toothbrush, shampoo, and floss. Okay, I'm exaggerating. But to make my point, she's accusing me of stealing virtually everything she owns.

I must go attend detention for her now.

Yes, it's true. I've just received detention from my fellow head girl.

And yes, it's true. You're allowed to do that.

And yes, it's true, I am planning a prank on her.

OOO

Guess who I saw at detention today?

…

…

…

…

…

…

GINNY WEASLEY! Granger gave her detention too. Who knows why? Maybe Ginny's been stealing her lotion too.

Ohh… that's probably it! No wonder Ginny had such healthy glowing skin as well!

I never found out. Sometimes, you just gotta love fate.

And the head girl. I swear when she was leaving the room, she winked.

That mudblood is just too smart for her own good.

Anyway, we were doing lines, ("I will not steal from the Head girl ever again." For me. I never found out what Weasley was up to.)

And then I heard God.

"Why did you do it?" It said.

"I'm sorry. It really gave me healthy glowing skin. I didn't mean to. It just happened."

"No, why didn't you sleep with the girls?"

"Because… I didn't want to?"

"Why?"

"What the hell, god, why are you asking me this?"

"Draco? It's me."

"God?"

"No, it's me, Ginny."

I looked toward my left, and there she was, staring at me questioningly.

"OH my god. Are you talking to me?" I asked.

"Yes, I am."

"Oh, thank YOU, god."

"… Why didn't you sleep with the girls?"

"Because I didn't want to sleep with them!"

"Why?"

"Because… sleeping with 20 girls is sort of gross?"

"But when that girl made a move on you…"

"Have you been watching me?"

"No."

"Does the whole school know about this?"

"No."

"How… do you know about this?"

"I… I set them up for it."

"YOU ALMOST GOT ME RAPED!"

"I'm sorry… you seemed to have a bit of trouble trying to prove to me that you're not shallow."

"So you did this to help me?"

"Yeah. Yeah, basically."

"Did I look like I REALLY needed that help?"

"Yeah. Hermione told me about the lotion."

"Have you noticed the difference?" I asked, flashing my right side. My right side is better.

"No, to tell you the truth. It looks the same to me."

"Oh." Oh man, was I dejected.

"But if it makes you feel any better, I'm really glad you didn't sleep with the girls."

"Why?"

"Because… it shows that you don't go for all the sex you can get. You have some dignity in your life."

"Thanks."

"No really, Draco. You've just proved to me that you aren't just a fluffy shallow piece of shit."

Can you say… hallelujah?

I love that man up there. Good buddy. Good ol' pal of mine.

"Ginny… I can prove to you why your father is a thief."

"Try me."

"You're his daughter."

"Yes…"

"You just stole my heart."

She wadded up her parchment and threw it at me.

"Where in the world did you get all these?"

"From looking into your eyes…"

"Draco Malfoy… I thought you can do better."

Raising an eyebrow, I cupped her chin lightly in my fingers and slowly brought her healthy glowing face to mine.

And then, with much master and profession, I kissed her with burning desire. Softly and delicately, with passion.

It's one of those moments when you can feel your heart dropping down into your stomach area.

When you can feel the heat in your already glowing face.

When you know that this is how great your life will be for a long… long time.

It's one of those moments when you find the missing piece to the puzzle and you feel complete. When there is warmth in your body when you can be stark naked.

I live for them.

"Marry me."

I said.

She laughed cheekily. "We'll see about that."

OOO

Sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

Review please.

I must make an average of 10 per chapter. Getting five last time really dropped it down so now I must get 10 this time or I will be sort of sad?

I hope you liked it.

Love always,

Youngwriter

P.S. HARRY POTTER AND THE GOBLET OF FIRE MOVIE IS THE BEST. TRUE WORK OF ART. MY FAVORITE. IT CONTRASTS BRILLIANTLY FROM BEING FREAKISHLY INTENSE(MAZE) TO EXTRAORDINARILY FUNNY(BATH).

I RECOMMEND IT FULLHEARTEDLY.

Happy Thanksgiving!


	9. never fear, lovely lesbian diary

So…

I got a whopping like 293487239 reviews! I LOVE YOU GUYS SO MUCH! Let's let history repeat itself, no?

And then I realized that I have nothing to write. Because they're together now and all, so what's the point? But a lot of you didn't… think this should be the end?

And MUCH thanks to **Luna** for the numerous reviews and for telling friends about the story, and **Excuse me Mr. Mister** for the HILARIOUS pick up lines and loyal, juicy and my favorite reviews and **Flames Of My Heart **and everyone else. **FerretLover, lil'rook, Vampirehelsing, terry, oO, kels, GothicIcePixie** (lol. Marry you? I'm sorry. I'm already taken), **European Chicken **(NO NEED TO BE SORRY, READER!), **RENA** (HAHA. I'm glad you almost pissed yourself from laughing. Actually, I'm not. Haha, but thanks anyway.), **Aeriol**, **Elanor Ainu** (we'll see about that. Haha, no, just kidding. Thanks, though. Your reviews were too kind), **mephitic-mind** (I'll marry him too.), **Allychik6, AnastriannaRomanov, KepperofthePineNeedles, Ginny-and-Draco-fan, Babychicke** (I WOULD NEVER ABANDON ANYTHING! Thanks!), **i am not a chipmunk** (of course you're not.), **j 3**, **mell8, Chellina** (don't worry, I laugh alone in my house a lot as well), **louey31**, **Jenna**. And the rest of you, who has been with me and endured my mood swings and extremely lengthy vacations, you know who you are.

So thanks to **Katie**, I've decided that this will be just like one of those entries where Draco's all freaky and random.

And here, before I write this compelling piece of art…

(From the words of Phantom of the Opera _Why so silent_)

**Why so silent, good Messieurs?**  
**Did you think that I had left you for good?  
Have you missed me, good messieurs?**

I have written you a chapter. ( in the movie, it's actually 'i have written you an opera. don juan triumphant..' sigh. what a brilliant movie.)

I should be hanged, though, for how late it is. but...

**Why so silent, good Messieurs?**  
**Did you think that I had left you for good?  
Have you missed me, good messieurs?**

Haha. Sorry- I JUST got the DVD for Phantom of the Opera, and I can't stop watching it.

And during my extended 'vacation,' I've written another story. And finished it, actually. It's nothing much, though, to have finished it because it was merely a one-shot.

It's called Inspired by your Shoelaces but it's a Draco/Hermion story. You should check it out. It's not the best I have, but really, who gives a care?

one last thing- if you read Roommates, the last chapter of THAT story is almost halfway done too. longer apology would be there. :)

LAST CHAPTER:

OOO

Hello Winifred,

I feel like I've got my life under my belt.

But, the funny thing is, that I don't have a belt.

Nor, do I know what a belt IS.

Nor will I tell you how I found out about the word belt.

OOO

Belt: A flexible band, as of leather or cloth, worn around the waist to support clothing, secure tools or weapons, or serve as decoration.

I like them leather. I think I will ask Ginny for a leather belt.

But to support WHAT clothing? My robes?

HAH… maybe I'll make a fashion statement.

YES!

AND SOON, EVERYONE IN HOGWARTS WILL BE PUTTING A BELT OVER THEIR ROBES.

I MUST ASK FOR A GREEN ONE SO IT STANDS OUT AND BRINGS OUT THE COLOR IN MY EYES.

EVEN THOUGH I DON'T HAVE GREEN EYES. THAT POTTER DOES, THOUGH. MAYBE I'LL SEND HIM A NICE GREEN BELT, BUT NOT LEATHER BECAUSE HE DOESN'T DESERVE LEATHER.

OOO

Fine I admit, I've been reading more and more muggle books and that's where I got the whole "life under my belt" thing.

So happy? Satisfied? Is your life under your belt too? Would you like a belt too?

Well, you're not getting one! HAH!

OWNAGE

OHHH. YOU'VE JUST BEEN OWNEDDDDDDDDD. By the OWNAGE KING. (A/N: here, I was so tempted to write out **pwnage** but I kept myself. Tehe)

OOO

Today, me and Ginny went shopping for belts.

I got a green one, a white one, a black one, a grey one, and she FORCED me to buy a pink one. Don't worry… I'm thinking about being sneaky and returning it.

YAY! I think my life is now complete.

OOO

Did you hear?

PROFESSOR BINNS AND MOANING MYRTLE ARE NOW… A THING! TRANSPARENT THINGS!

THING AS IN: DATING!

I wonder where they'll go. Maybe the sewers?

OOO

Ah! So my predictions were correct.

So today, I went to visit Trewalney to tell her that I predicted that they'd be together and that I was right.

So she gave me a bag of tea leaves.

Pure pleasure.

OOO

Yes, you are right.

I like tea.

I feel proper and handsome.

OOO

Ginny's dared me to write in you for the entire class time in Potions without getting caught.

Yes, she knows about you.

No, she never read you.

Yet.

Or… did she?

Muahahaha. MUAHAHAHAHA. KYAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHA

I'm being soooo fetch. (from mean girls by the way)

OOO

Minute one

I sit here waiting and waiting. Potter, Weasley, and Granger still haven't come. Neither has Snape.

Minute two

They're here. And I'm bored out of my mind. Snape's rather monotonous voice can get very… very… very… very… drowsy.

Minute three

I have to hide you under the table. How is it? Is there anything under the tables? Gum?

Ah! Winifred! I'm scared! What if I'm caught?

Minute four

I wonder if Snape is a virgin.

Minute five

Why do I always think of those things? I'm such a perv. I should be hanged.

Or hung. I don't know how to say it.

Grammar was never particularly my strong side.

Minute six

Yuck. Whoever he did it with must be blind.

Minute seven

What if Snape is GAY?

DOUBLE YUCK!

Minute eight

No wonder why he favors the boys in the class more than the girls. Except Potter of course. And Weasley. He hates Pansy, for instance. No man in their right minds would hate Pansy…

Except for me.

And like… half the boys in this school.

My conclusion: WE'RE ALL OUT OF OUR MINDS.

Or my predictions about Snape is wrong.

I'm sorry.

I made a mistake; it's predictions about Snape ARE wrong.

See? Grammar is not on my good side today.

Acutally, it was only one prediction, therefore, it's "prediction about Snape is wrong."

Who's your daddy now?

Minute ten

10 minutes has gone and passed for your information

Minute eleven

I'm thinking soon, I might ask him to tell us a story about his first love.

Unless he IS the heartless brute that he lets himself be.

Aw, what a horrible lifestyle! With no lovin'!

Minute thirteen

This number is unlucky. I personally like the number fourteen.

Minute fourteen

I love this number! So I think I'm going to take the courage and ask him. What should I ask?

"Professor, sir? Are you a virgin?"

"Professor, sir? How was your first time?"

"Professor, sir, are you gay?"

"Professor, I was just wondering if you've ever had sex with another man before?"

Minute eighteen

No longer in Potions classroom.

I asked the following:

"Professor, I was wondering, please sir about your first love and if you ever slept with her… or him."

What to do?

I think I will go take a hike.

Minute 24

I am currently at the Black Lake. I've stopped to see these two Robin birds mating.

Again, I am caught in an awkward, cruel, sexual moment.

Minute 27

I'm going back. These birds are getting X-rated.

Minute 31

Now in front of Potions classroom. Shall I knock?

Minute 33

Still in front of Potions classroom

Minute 35

About to knock

Minute 40 

Am in Potions classroom once more

Whew.

I got away with telling him that I really didn't mean to say it and that I was possessed, possibly by a nonexistent Dark Lord.

Ginny Weasley, I'm going to kill you.

Minute 42

I'm glad today wasn't a practical day and just a lecture day because he doesn't go around inspecting.

Minute 44

I am definitely going to fail Potions.

Minute 45

FIVE MORE MINUTES! WHOO HOO!

Minute 46

240… 239… 238…

Minute 47

179… 178… 177…176…

Minute 48

117… 116…

Minute 49

60… 59… 58… 57… 56… 55… 54…

WHAT? WHERE IS THE BELL?

Minute 51

I'm going crazy.

Today was a fucking DOUBLE POTIONS

Deja vue? Will it be another History of Magic?

Minute 53

First, the birds…

Now, Blaise and Pansy are at it.

UCK

Minute 56

I haven't had sex in weeks.

Minute 57

Oh my god. I haven't had sex in weeks.

Minute 60

: ) But Ginny's worth it.

Aww… aren't I just sweet.

Minute one

I've become lazy and I'm starting again at one since one hour has gone good bye.

Oh wait, was that the bell?

Oh, never mind. False hopes.

Whooo-

OOO

Ah, Winifred. I haven't seen you in ages.

Hm… let's say 2 months now? Yeah. It even makes ME wonder how I've been living my life.

It's stressful really. I will tell you what happened.

I was just finishing up that entry when bloody Weasley (not Ginny, her brother) came up to me, snatched my diary and started reading.

It was just… SO embarrassing, good thing I took it back a second later. I told him "you wouldn't want to read this. Unless you REALLY want to know how Ginevra and I 'do it' when you're not looking. Or about our time last night in the forest. I have scars to prove to you." I began to lift up my robes when I saw him burst.

No, literally.

He blew up.

He didn't die or anything, he just blew up. Seriously. There were carcasses of Ronald Weasley flying everywhere. Or… is it there 'WAS'? Too many tenses in this language, I tell you.

The weirdest part was the Granger and Potter high-fived. I mean, sure, the Weasley was a prat, but he was their best friend!

And then, 1 out of every three people in the class began exploding. Popping and becoming mist. I thought the "Harry Potter deatheaters" were coming and vanishing all the prats in the school.

And then, Snape came and asked. "Why aren't you exploding, Malfoy?"

I was deeply offended that he was straight out implying my prattiness. So I just gaped. I knew he knew I was a prat and all, but I didn't think he would fully admit it.

But I understood –insert humble and kind look here-

The potion were supposed to brew with two partners was an exploding potion! I had been so into writing in you that I had not noticed everyone getting to work. So I put you on my desk only to remember that Snape was still looming over me. I tried to take you back and put you in my bag but he was too fast. He got me. He stole you, took one look at you- I hope you weren't offended- and walked away clutching you in his hands like a fat boy holds his cake.

So I never got you back and I never tried.

It's terrifying. I didn't know if he ever read anything or not… but I know he probably did. So I never asked for you back, hoping he'd forget.

It didn't really work, but I got you back so it's all good.

I will not go into further details.

OOO

Slytherin house held a late night party last night. I don't know but for some reason, we earned like 50 points for some noble deed. Don't ask.

And then we got drunk so we started clapping for our Quidditch team. Along with many other clubs. But anyways-

Catch this:

"And nooooow. Our FAAAAAAAVORITEE SEEKAH. DRACC MALFIE!" Blaise announced, his tie knotted around his face and his shirt missing. He does have a nice body, not that I was ever checking it out or anything.

And suddenly, a loud voice cried out:

"HEY! IT'S THE GAY SEEKER!"

I now cry myself to sleep.

OOO

I am in the hospital wing now.

OOO

Why? Because I don't want to go to class.

I am a shunned outsider like Tarzan.

-insert loud Tarzan roar here-

OOO

I contemplated going around nude in nothing but a piece of loincloth covering my treasures, if you know what I mean. Wink. Wink. Wink. Wink. Wink. Wink. Wink.

But I never did. Of course. The day is almost over now.

I will soon go back to my room.

But now, I am under the wonderful motherly care of my dear Madame Pomfrey.

May Allah be with you, Madame Pomfrey.

OOO

Ginny came in, panting and all and asked where the hell I was.

I said. I was here the whole time.

And she said. Why?

And I said. Because I am an outsider. Leave me if you must, love, if you are too humiliated to be meddling with an outsider like me.

And she said. Why are you an outsider?

And I said. Because. I am shunned. I am a gay seeker.

And she said. You are NOT!

And I said. Yes I am.

And she said. Oh, but you can't be because you're dating me.

And I said. Oh. Yeahh.

She makes me happy.

And she said. Let's go now. It's dinner.

And I gave my well practiced roar of Tarzan.

Even the real Tarzan would have been beaming with pride.

Or… envy?

OOO

My days with you are ending.

I must part thee soon.

But not yet.

For I went out diary shopping today.

But actually, if I tell you that, you'll be very angry with me. I know you'll be. So I shall tell you the following: I went out to buy you a girlfriend today.

Or, shall I say, boyfriend, Winifred? How you like that? We can call him… Alfred.

Unless you're a lesbian.

THEN DON'T WORRY!

I will not shun you like I was once shunned. I will treasure you always because there is nothing wrong with gay people. So you have no need to become my Tarzan friend.

Unless you WISH to be Tarzan, in that case, I can see your reason why.

It is a freeing sensation when you are going around naked. It feels really nice, you know.

DRACO MALFOY TO THE RESCUE OF ALL GAYS AND LESBIANS! AND TARZAN WANNABE'S.

FEAR NOT! I WILL NEVER SHUN YOU!

IF you want a lesbian friend, I will name her Ginifred, in memory of Ginny. MY girlfriend.

Yup. So don't even think about it, girlfriend.

Be confident.

Be an independent woman.

You will survive.

Halleluja

FEAR NOT, WINIFRED! I SHALL NEVER PART THEE.

OH! THE HILLS ARE ALIVE WITH THE SOUND OF MUSIC!

SO THIS MAY BE

OUR LOVELY

UN-SHUNNING

FAREWELL.

GOODBYE, MY LESBIAN DIARY! GOODBYE, WINIFRED!

Until next time.

Good night

And

Good luck.

OOO

The end. : )

OOO

Yay!

Would you guys like a sequel?

And please, be honest. Don't just say you want one if you really don't and you're just being nice.

And if you do, you must fill out my VERY INTENSE questionnaire.

**What should it be called?**

**What should happen?**

**How long should it be?**

**What should it be about?**

**ANY suggestions?**

But, until then,

Good night

And

Good luck

- Youngwriter


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